How quickly I forget...
That this is meaningless
How quickly I forget...
That this is meaningless
what have I learned from yesterday?
Confined-As I Lay Dying
Tuesday, December 30
Monday, December 8
Such a surreal place to see.
I remembered that someone once told me, if you laughed out really hard one day, there will be another day where you will feel the same intensity in sadness and grief.
If the world that we live in is structured as such, where there are instances of this "balance of life", then what about the fact that happiness is always accompanied by hurt.
It just depends which one u receive first isn't it? So which would u rather, to hurt so much and in the end find love? Or to love so much only to end up hurt?
I choose hurt first. Not because I'm a masochist or I wanna prove that ''hey real dudes can take hurt'', but I feel that in the end, I'm sure there is something to balance this hurt.
If the world that we live in is structured as such, where there are instances of this "balance of life", then what about the fact that happiness is always accompanied by hurt.
It just depends which one u receive first isn't it? So which would u rather, to hurt so much and in the end find love? Or to love so much only to end up hurt?
I choose hurt first. Not because I'm a masochist or I wanna prove that ''hey real dudes can take hurt'', but I feel that in the end, I'm sure there is something to balance this hurt.
Sunday, October 26
They crash around me.
Change.
My parents no longer think I'm the defiant stubborn matboy that is the family's disgrace. And yesterday I peeked a read on a compo that my sister left around on her bed and it even said that the person she admired most in the family was her brother. I feel useful to my friends around me, as I can help them when they are in need. I feel useful to princesses, who are in need of spoiling.
The only constant thing in the world is that everything around you changes all the time. And lately there has been a whole lot of changing in the world around me. At work I've been given another chance, its time for me to be better again. If I thought cruising around was enough, just because oh I've been so damn good before, this time it has to change. I shall not reveal much about what happens at the workplace but where I am now, honestly has really tested my mettle. Time to earn what I worked so hard to obtain.
No one's the same today and tomorrow. Part of accepting this change is to understand and accept. Cause real love has always been about wanting the best for someone no matter what right? But what is use is it, if that constant itself changes? Love too, changes.
And love has changed my life. Love has changed me. The people who love me, their dreams and expectations. My very own personal drive in life. So many things I do, for the people I love. Hope they see them. I always hoped that I want my life to be lived for others. I hope these people know how much I love them.
Or they will remember it, once I myself, change.
Talking about love in a blog is so stupid. Let's cut this crap. Aniwae, Thank You To The Almighty, that I have passed my TP. It's time to get some vrooming done y'all.
Vroom Vroom Junkie.
My parents no longer think I'm the defiant stubborn matboy that is the family's disgrace. And yesterday I peeked a read on a compo that my sister left around on her bed and it even said that the person she admired most in the family was her brother. I feel useful to my friends around me, as I can help them when they are in need. I feel useful to princesses, who are in need of spoiling.
The only constant thing in the world is that everything around you changes all the time. And lately there has been a whole lot of changing in the world around me. At work I've been given another chance, its time for me to be better again. If I thought cruising around was enough, just because oh I've been so damn good before, this time it has to change. I shall not reveal much about what happens at the workplace but where I am now, honestly has really tested my mettle. Time to earn what I worked so hard to obtain.
No one's the same today and tomorrow. Part of accepting this change is to understand and accept. Cause real love has always been about wanting the best for someone no matter what right? But what is use is it, if that constant itself changes? Love too, changes.
And love has changed my life. Love has changed me. The people who love me, their dreams and expectations. My very own personal drive in life. So many things I do, for the people I love. Hope they see them. I always hoped that I want my life to be lived for others. I hope these people know how much I love them.
Or they will remember it, once I myself, change.
Talking about love in a blog is so stupid. Let's cut this crap. Aniwae, Thank You To The Almighty, that I have passed my TP. It's time to get some vrooming done y'all.
Vroom Vroom Junkie.
Saturday, October 4
Friday, September 12
Dead Memories In My Heart.
hey.
Much has passed since my last entry, for those that didn't know and didn't get a chance to rub salt on my wounds, i failed my TP. 30pts, 20 of which were for WOBBLING on the bike, wtf. no immediates though, and those ppl who were in my batch that failed on the same day, and failed on the same points as me, passed on 2nd attempt, just now. Hopefully, im luckier this time. Dear god, i've been a good boy! Pls let me pass, dah lah hari raya no bike. HMMPH. Nvm, i'll just play Ahmad to abah's mitsubishi lancer again.
Maybe when I have a bike, things at work will get better, i can stop coming late due to waiting for the damn shuttle 222 which takes bloody 15 mins to 25mins intervals.
But not likely, like what SSGT James said, human nature is always to belittle or ''makan'' those that are junior, newbies, like me. I'm the 2nd junior to join team, and I'm the youngest SGT in Alpha...so i cant exactly expect much. Guess there's a drawback when you surpass the barriers of what is deemed as normal. But James said, don't worry, it will all get better when new juniors join the team, which is very likely, with the setting up of a new NPC....ok shall not reveal much.
Wondering if I can take the pressure, just imagine, if all the old timers, your mentors, people whom you know you can turn to when the situation goes out of control, people whom you know will ALWAYS back you up, are no longer there. Only people whom are juniors, just like you, these are the people who you have to count on. What's gonna happen? Who's gonna come when you ask for backup? Who's gonna pick up after you when you screw up?
Will I be good enough? Guess I grew up too fast. So fast that sometimes, I look back and see, goddamn I should have done better back then. Even misha has trouble knowing who I am sometimes, in me she sees what "Andi" was back then...the metal-mat.
Haha that's what the previous post was about, I guessed maybe if i actually read up on what actually my personality was supposed to be like, I could be able to find myself and see who it is I'm supposed to be. So who are you sgt, who are you?
Oh Arionne, what would I be without you.
I know I'll never survive, with dead memories in my heart.
Much has passed since my last entry, for those that didn't know and didn't get a chance to rub salt on my wounds, i failed my TP. 30pts, 20 of which were for WOBBLING on the bike, wtf. no immediates though, and those ppl who were in my batch that failed on the same day, and failed on the same points as me, passed on 2nd attempt, just now. Hopefully, im luckier this time. Dear god, i've been a good boy! Pls let me pass, dah lah hari raya no bike. HMMPH. Nvm, i'll just play Ahmad to abah's mitsubishi lancer again.
Maybe when I have a bike, things at work will get better, i can stop coming late due to waiting for the damn shuttle 222 which takes bloody 15 mins to 25mins intervals.
But not likely, like what SSGT James said, human nature is always to belittle or ''makan'' those that are junior, newbies, like me. I'm the 2nd junior to join team, and I'm the youngest SGT in Alpha...so i cant exactly expect much. Guess there's a drawback when you surpass the barriers of what is deemed as normal. But James said, don't worry, it will all get better when new juniors join the team, which is very likely, with the setting up of a new NPC....ok shall not reveal much.
Wondering if I can take the pressure, just imagine, if all the old timers, your mentors, people whom you know you can turn to when the situation goes out of control, people whom you know will ALWAYS back you up, are no longer there. Only people whom are juniors, just like you, these are the people who you have to count on. What's gonna happen? Who's gonna come when you ask for backup? Who's gonna pick up after you when you screw up?
Will I be good enough? Guess I grew up too fast. So fast that sometimes, I look back and see, goddamn I should have done better back then. Even misha has trouble knowing who I am sometimes, in me she sees what "Andi" was back then...the metal-mat.
Haha that's what the previous post was about, I guessed maybe if i actually read up on what actually my personality was supposed to be like, I could be able to find myself and see who it is I'm supposed to be. So who are you sgt, who are you?
Oh Arionne, what would I be without you.
I know I'll never survive, with dead memories in my heart.
Thursday, August 14
Random lame quizzes...-_-
What Andi Means |
You are usually the best at everything ... you strive for perfection. You are confident, authoritative, and aggressive. You have the classic "Type A" personality. You are very intuitive and wise. You understand the world better than most people. You also have a very active imagination. You often get carried away with your thoughts. You are prone to a little paranoia and jealousy. You sometimes go overboard in interpreting signals. You are balanced, orderly, and organized. You like your ducks in a row. You are powerful and competent, especially in the workplace. People can see you as stubborn and headstrong. You definitely have a dominant personality. You tend to be pretty tightly wound. It's easy to get you excited... which can be a good or bad thing. You have a lot of enthusiasm, but it fades rather quickly. You don't stick with any one thing for very long. You have the drive to accomplish a lot in a short amount of time. Your biggest problem is making sure you finish the projects you start. |
Saturday, August 2
Bad day, good night.
SSI Wak Anip(my uncle-policeidol-rolemodel-inspiration) once told me that everytime he dons the blue uniform to become the Azure warrior, he always says a prayer or two to see him thru a good day. I found that quite strange when I came to division, i mean, what would a Coast Guard Watch Officer have to worry about during the worktime right? I mean, Davy Jones doesn't appear everyday...right?
I didn't quite get what he meant. For when you are the Azure, you become an avatar of justice, a symbol of hope, and strike fear into criminals' minds. Its an overwhelming surge of strength that you embrace, you become.
But what we cannot fully understand is that, sometimes, just sometimes, you become a bringer of death. And you are powerless to change it. That is the law, that is our nature as man.
Sure you've made a good arrest, sure you've saved countless lives. But how would you feel if you knew that you were bringing someone to his death. That is something, even seasoned officers with MANY MANY years of service would have problems with.
That is the law.
On the lighter side, the day looks a little bit brighter when the prettiest girl in station from another team, who has absolutely NO links to you, waves, smiles and says "Hi!" so excitedly upon seeing you and actually recognizes you. And when that oh-so-cute TP corporal girl thinks you're good looking and aww-soooo-sweet, even when you know wtf i look like crap today. And when you hear your voice over the PR set and old friends sms you and say they heard your name broadcasted for all of Singapore's Azuressss.
You feel, like a rockstar bebeh. A rockstar. And the best part is, you didn't even try. You didn't dress up, change yourself 180*, you didn't go to a bar, or created a new self-image.
Life's simple pleasures. Maybe it'd take away some of the pain that you deal out and take in.
I didn't quite get what he meant. For when you are the Azure, you become an avatar of justice, a symbol of hope, and strike fear into criminals' minds. Its an overwhelming surge of strength that you embrace, you become.
But what we cannot fully understand is that, sometimes, just sometimes, you become a bringer of death. And you are powerless to change it. That is the law, that is our nature as man.
Sure you've made a good arrest, sure you've saved countless lives. But how would you feel if you knew that you were bringing someone to his death. That is something, even seasoned officers with MANY MANY years of service would have problems with.
That is the law.
On the lighter side, the day looks a little bit brighter when the prettiest girl in station from another team, who has absolutely NO links to you, waves, smiles and says "Hi!" so excitedly upon seeing you and actually recognizes you. And when that oh-so-cute TP corporal girl thinks you're good looking and aww-soooo-sweet, even when you know wtf i look like crap today. And when you hear your voice over the PR set and old friends sms you and say they heard your name broadcasted for all of Singapore's Azuressss.
You feel, like a rockstar bebeh. A rockstar. And the best part is, you didn't even try. You didn't dress up, change yourself 180*, you didn't go to a bar, or created a new self-image.
Life's simple pleasures. Maybe it'd take away some of the pain that you deal out and take in.
Wednesday, July 30
In a flash.
Well, i was surfing friendster that day, and i just wanted to look back at the testimonials that i've gotten, coz i duno for some lame reason people outside think im some freaking playboy material, though i gotta admit, i lack the goods. HAH
09/17/2004 2:29 am
09/17/2004 2:29 am
- andi? IAN? haha... seems to me he
always knows what to say. well even if
he doesnt he just knows how to make it
alright. oh yes, i'm a sucker for DRUMMER (edited due to public complaints)
boys who sing sappy chinese songs
too! funny, talented, sensitive, romantic-
he's great. that really sums it all. oh no
i'm SO inflating your ego! well this only
goes to show what good taste i've got
so i guess it's okay right! wutever yall
call him, mat rokok, metalhead,
gangster (as if those were bad things) i
lurve thiz guy! i heart you boy! girls (and
boys) out there i'm tellin ya he's a good
catch! dont miss him! he'll take care of
you, keep you smiley and most
importantly, he'll stay devoted. at the
moment that'll be to me... so yall try hard
yeah! *muahahaha*
well its days like these when you realise that yes, i think i was a good partner. But try as I will, I will never be good enough, coz it wasn't the things that I do. It was just me. I was the problem.
Voila! Another weird emotional moment from the Azure. Well done shithead.
Friday, July 18
Rebirth
Prac 8(Mock TP) results:
1st time: 50+points , 2 immediate
2nd time: 44 points
3rd time: 40 points
4th time: 16 points, PASSED.
TP test: 28/08/2008@0715hrs. Wish me all the best. SKM, standby to makan besar if i pass on first try! Roger ah.
Helmet: checked.
Gloves: checked.
Honda XR125L: checked.
TP: checked.
Oh god, please let me pass. I've been a very good boy! =) Prepare to be reborn, junkie.
Could I be any more this way, done starting over.
The silence in you, and this could be,
this could be the hardest thing to leave without a single trace.
Here without you
Here without you, I fall apart.
We'll place these stars, inside our hearts.
1st time: 50+points , 2 immediate
2nd time: 44 points
3rd time: 40 points
4th time: 16 points, PASSED.
TP test: 28/08/2008@0715hrs. Wish me all the best. SKM, standby to makan besar if i pass on first try! Roger ah.
Helmet: checked.
Gloves: checked.
Honda XR125L: checked.
TP: checked.
Oh god, please let me pass. I've been a very good boy! =) Prepare to be reborn, junkie.
Could I be any more this way, done starting over.
The silence in you, and this could be,
this could be the hardest thing to leave without a single trace.
Here without you
Here without you, I fall apart.
We'll place these stars, inside our hearts.
Tuesday, July 15
Crumble.
Pressure. Expectations. Mistakes.
I take these all, not too well I'm afraid. I was always never good at accepting how I let people down.
I'm having lots of trouble coping with this issue. Guess I'm three ranks too heavy.
I take these all, not too well I'm afraid. I was always never good at accepting how I let people down.
I'm having lots of trouble coping with this issue. Guess I'm three ranks too heavy.
Saturday, July 5
Crimson.
Blood.
Salty. Heavy. Choking. And it sticks to your clothes, your throat, your hair. I swear even though I've taken a nice long warm bath to wash off the smell, I can still TASTE it. The salty flavour sticks to your tongue, until every little thing that you drink, eat, smoke or taste has that familiar awful smell.
It must have been the most violent, most bloody night ever as of date.
But I'm not about to let anyone down when they're in need, because I never did.
I hope the smell fades away quick, or my mama's gonna be paranoid that something dirty followed me home. The women on the train must have thought I smelt like period blood. But hey, I protect life!
The smell sucks. Seriously, you can't mask it at all.
Ah, blood. The perfect thing to kickstart your weekends.
Salty. Heavy. Choking. And it sticks to your clothes, your throat, your hair. I swear even though I've taken a nice long warm bath to wash off the smell, I can still TASTE it. The salty flavour sticks to your tongue, until every little thing that you drink, eat, smoke or taste has that familiar awful smell.
It must have been the most violent, most bloody night ever as of date.
But I'm not about to let anyone down when they're in need, because I never did.
I hope the smell fades away quick, or my mama's gonna be paranoid that something dirty followed me home. The women on the train must have thought I smelt like period blood. But hey, I protect life!
The smell sucks. Seriously, you can't mask it at all.
Ah, blood. The perfect thing to kickstart your weekends.
Thursday, July 3
November Oscar, very distorted, over.
Final bike prac, on the way pak menaweh.
Two more months of probationary "Romeo", Sergeant.
Sometimes I just wonder, if I was better as a mat, or better as a policemen.
Maybe women don't find me attractive anymore. Or maybe its all just the emptiness of having a testosterone-filled working environment, where the action is rough and where the women are gold.
I don't find women officers attractive though. Gua still love minahs aniwae. HAH
But in the world where the only women you meet are either your friend's friend's friend's friend the friend, or a damsel...I'm happy where I am. Its cold out here sometimes, though.
I miss having a partner, that's all I'd say. But I'm sure she's happy now.
I recieved a letter from HOTA lately, asking me to donate my organs. I wish that if I was on a deathbed, and people would be taking my organs and all, please take my heart. I think its the best gift that I have on me, the best thing that I can give away.
My heart.
HAHA if it restarts, it would beat normally again, so please take it ok!
Oh, shut up.
Two more months of probationary "Romeo", Sergeant.
Sometimes I just wonder, if I was better as a mat, or better as a policemen.
Maybe women don't find me attractive anymore. Or maybe its all just the emptiness of having a testosterone-filled working environment, where the action is rough and where the women are gold.
I don't find women officers attractive though. Gua still love minahs aniwae. HAH
But in the world where the only women you meet are either your friend's friend's friend's friend the friend, or a damsel...I'm happy where I am. Its cold out here sometimes, though.
I miss having a partner, that's all I'd say. But I'm sure she's happy now.
I recieved a letter from HOTA lately, asking me to donate my organs. I wish that if I was on a deathbed, and people would be taking my organs and all, please take my heart. I think its the best gift that I have on me, the best thing that I can give away.
My heart.
HAHA if it restarts, it would beat normally again, so please take it ok!
Oh, shut up.
Saturday, June 7
There's No Saying No.
AMACIAMMM BEBEHHHH...wellll alot of people have been asking me reasons as to why I joined as a regular in SPF. Its true, a skinny tall mat like me would seem VERY out of place in the respectable blue uniform any day, people tend to think im better off as a metal mat, a nerd emo shit, or that nice guy whom you can step over and make fun of coz HEY he'll just smile and heck even laugh at himself. haha!
Well the real reason is that, see through my teenage years I have been living for myself, doing whatever I wanted to do, and most of the time I've been stuck trying to impress people around me, its almost like I can't seem to find whatever it is I'm REALLY GOOD at. I'm always neither here nor there(at all) coz i just keep trying to find whatever it is I can say, yeah...I'm good at that. But so far, the best single thing I think im quite good at over the years is I think is my ability to play metal drums, but well i'm VERY RUSTY.
It sort of built up over the years, and there had been many times people always ask me,''hey do u do ...(insert hobby/interest here)?" and I'll be like, "Errr, not really." Its these moments that I feel GODDAMMIT, im so goddamn useless. Especially in the sporty physical-boyish-games department.
Add that to my teenage years where there had been an unimaginable number of times that I have let my parents down from my bad conduct, mis-behavior, or me just being a bad son and role model eldest brother. There'll always be that voice of my dad screaming,''YOU'RE USELESS." I know he probably didn't mean it, but it sticks and grows on you, you know?
Add that to my phobia of being unable to please people around me, and my constant heart murmur problem which just constantly reminds me how my clock is ticking, and voila', you'll have someone who's all lost and in search of a reason to live.
I did some soul searching back in the days, and I could only come up with one valid solution.
If I could really give back to the people around me whatever time I have, just so that I know that truly, IT IS ME who have sacrificed and put effort into making other people happy and living for other people other than myself, then isn't that the best reason for life that one could ever have? A dedication of your life for other people, ALA BUDDHA-STYLE.
Enter THE SINGAPORE POLICE FORCE. That's my reason for living. It gives me great pleasure to know that yes, indeed I have made a difference to some people in their lives, even for a simple smile or thank you. Yes, I have helped other people, and yes, there is reason for me to put in whatever limited strength, effort and hard work that I have and could give. I know whatever I can give is not much, heck a random 4 tear-ed 2 tiam-ed gangster could probably snap me in half, but I trust that I will give my best, as i have always done for everyone around me. My ABSOLUTE best, in whatever I do as a Police officer.
So insult me all you want, taunt me and whatever things I may be lacking of. I may be out of place, I may be moderate to useless in alot of different areas, but i give my best. And some day, just some day...
I may just be, the one who saves your life. The mat policeman.
Well the real reason is that, see through my teenage years I have been living for myself, doing whatever I wanted to do, and most of the time I've been stuck trying to impress people around me, its almost like I can't seem to find whatever it is I'm REALLY GOOD at. I'm always neither here nor there(at all) coz i just keep trying to find whatever it is I can say, yeah...I'm good at that. But so far, the best single thing I think im quite good at over the years is I think is my ability to play metal drums, but well i'm VERY RUSTY.
It sort of built up over the years, and there had been many times people always ask me,''hey do u do ...(insert hobby/interest here)?" and I'll be like, "Errr, not really." Its these moments that I feel GODDAMMIT, im so goddamn useless. Especially in the sporty physical-boyish-games department.
Add that to my teenage years where there had been an unimaginable number of times that I have let my parents down from my bad conduct, mis-behavior, or me just being a bad son and role model eldest brother. There'll always be that voice of my dad screaming,''YOU'RE USELESS." I know he probably didn't mean it, but it sticks and grows on you, you know?
Add that to my phobia of being unable to please people around me, and my constant heart murmur problem which just constantly reminds me how my clock is ticking, and voila', you'll have someone who's all lost and in search of a reason to live.
I did some soul searching back in the days, and I could only come up with one valid solution.
If I could really give back to the people around me whatever time I have, just so that I know that truly, IT IS ME who have sacrificed and put effort into making other people happy and living for other people other than myself, then isn't that the best reason for life that one could ever have? A dedication of your life for other people, ALA BUDDHA-STYLE.
Enter THE SINGAPORE POLICE FORCE. That's my reason for living. It gives me great pleasure to know that yes, indeed I have made a difference to some people in their lives, even for a simple smile or thank you. Yes, I have helped other people, and yes, there is reason for me to put in whatever limited strength, effort and hard work that I have and could give. I know whatever I can give is not much, heck a random 4 tear-ed 2 tiam-ed gangster could probably snap me in half, but I trust that I will give my best, as i have always done for everyone around me. My ABSOLUTE best, in whatever I do as a Police officer.
So insult me all you want, taunt me and whatever things I may be lacking of. I may be out of place, I may be moderate to useless in alot of different areas, but i give my best. And some day, just some day...
I may just be, the one who saves your life. The mat policeman.
Wednesday, May 28
The Alpha Male.
WASABE-BEBEHHHH....sorry i havent dropped by...its been a rather hectic schedule for me lately, so much has been happening i dont even know where to start. Its been rather emotional lately, alot of things going on, a few downs and a whole lotta UPs in my life. It well deserving of a brand new chapter for my life, a whole new person coming your way.
First up is POC, my Passing Out Ceremony, which has been LONG overdue. It was one of the proudest moments in my life for me to finally graduate. Strangely i think i was the only one in my whole squad who felt emotional about it, i duno...maybe being in the police force has been a very trying lesson for me, and i learnt a whole lot of things about myself, how to be a person, an adult, a partner, a son, and everything else in between. True there may be trying times ahead, but i've overcome i think my hardest obstacle yet. Its not easy to go thru this regimental life ever since the day i signed my bond, and my training/suffering was WAAAAY longer than any NS man or Regular had to go thru, so i deserve to brag about my SERGEANT RANK.
Yeah, guess i did start to brag about it way beforehand, but I cant seem to help it. I was just consoling myself over how miserable i was to be stuck in the academy, with no social life whatsoever. Sorry if i did guys, its just a way in which i could feel better, you know. But, just for the fun of it, I'm gonna continue. HEH. So expect a Sgt laughing in your face, muahahaha!
I was posted to the Central Police Division, as NPCO(patrol). And i was actually brought in to replace two dudes that left for a better paying steward job over in SIA, and the late CPL Halim. Many would remember him as the officer that had an accident with a van on his way to work whilst riding a scrambler over in Outram Rd. So when i told them yeah, i'm taking bike pracs and yeah im gonna buy a scrambler, many were at a lost for words. I didn't question either, i was lost myself.
But life here takes some getting used to in comparison to Golf. I could no longer take NS-men partners like Syed Hafiz, Zulhilmi and even TSgt Asheem. And the calls keep on coming, its so busy that when we take our short breaktimes, we just HAD to rest and lie back, just to breathe. And when we do get something to eat, we get a call and have to go off to attend to another citizen. All these people don't see, they expect the same kind of service from the men in blue, and there has been some complaints coming in. They don't know that the term, "the city never sleeps" actually applies to us as well. Well the cases here are said to be rather VIOLENT, so its time to summon the MAT SPIRIT inside me. If that fails, well there's always a TASER, which i should be going for real soon. Now THAT, is something to look forward to. And yes, it is true that 2x busy=2x the experience. I will get to see in days what people in other divisions barely see in years.
In other news, Kamilliya just got attached! =) People around ask me, why am I not upset. Truth is, I really am not. I try hard not to! It has always been my nature to be happy for the people that I care about, and if I know that the people around me will be happier in any way then I have tried to make them, then all the better right? That's the game isn't it, if it doesn't work out its just too bad. I don't blame her for not giving me answers and all, maybe in a sense i was being very difficult and pushy on the subject, but i can understand why she did what she did. So, yeah. Here's wishing her all the best, and just hope she remembers to smile.
Now a full-fledged sgt, motorbike prac 7/8, i'm single and capable, the road ahead seems smooth and bright. Adulthood smells good, and truly, the city, is my home. Yes bebeh, you're goddamn right.
Some pics from POC below, after ur long read. Thanks for dropping by, and be safe. Remember, "ANYTHING JUST CALL POLICE!" hah.
Bunk 18, home of "Star Team".
Check out Yan with the kiwi.
Check out Yan now, first to run, and WengFai's shoulder. HAHA classic.
Cameraman also kena.
Uncensored divisional logos.
=)
He was my primary school best friend, and I totally forgot.
"Grisandi"
Graduands.
My moment.
A Sgt is born!
And you, are my Commissioner. =)
First up is POC, my Passing Out Ceremony, which has been LONG overdue. It was one of the proudest moments in my life for me to finally graduate. Strangely i think i was the only one in my whole squad who felt emotional about it, i duno...maybe being in the police force has been a very trying lesson for me, and i learnt a whole lot of things about myself, how to be a person, an adult, a partner, a son, and everything else in between. True there may be trying times ahead, but i've overcome i think my hardest obstacle yet. Its not easy to go thru this regimental life ever since the day i signed my bond, and my training/suffering was WAAAAY longer than any NS man or Regular had to go thru, so i deserve to brag about my SERGEANT RANK.
Yeah, guess i did start to brag about it way beforehand, but I cant seem to help it. I was just consoling myself over how miserable i was to be stuck in the academy, with no social life whatsoever. Sorry if i did guys, its just a way in which i could feel better, you know. But, just for the fun of it, I'm gonna continue. HEH. So expect a Sgt laughing in your face, muahahaha!
I was posted to the Central Police Division, as NPCO(patrol). And i was actually brought in to replace two dudes that left for a better paying steward job over in SIA, and the late CPL Halim. Many would remember him as the officer that had an accident with a van on his way to work whilst riding a scrambler over in Outram Rd. So when i told them yeah, i'm taking bike pracs and yeah im gonna buy a scrambler, many were at a lost for words. I didn't question either, i was lost myself.
But life here takes some getting used to in comparison to Golf. I could no longer take NS-men partners like Syed Hafiz, Zulhilmi and even TSgt Asheem. And the calls keep on coming, its so busy that when we take our short breaktimes, we just HAD to rest and lie back, just to breathe. And when we do get something to eat, we get a call and have to go off to attend to another citizen. All these people don't see, they expect the same kind of service from the men in blue, and there has been some complaints coming in. They don't know that the term, "the city never sleeps" actually applies to us as well. Well the cases here are said to be rather VIOLENT, so its time to summon the MAT SPIRIT inside me. If that fails, well there's always a TASER, which i should be going for real soon. Now THAT, is something to look forward to. And yes, it is true that 2x busy=2x the experience. I will get to see in days what people in other divisions barely see in years.
In other news, Kamilliya just got attached! =) People around ask me, why am I not upset. Truth is, I really am not. I try hard not to! It has always been my nature to be happy for the people that I care about, and if I know that the people around me will be happier in any way then I have tried to make them, then all the better right? That's the game isn't it, if it doesn't work out its just too bad. I don't blame her for not giving me answers and all, maybe in a sense i was being very difficult and pushy on the subject, but i can understand why she did what she did. So, yeah. Here's wishing her all the best, and just hope she remembers to smile.
Now a full-fledged sgt, motorbike prac 7/8, i'm single and capable, the road ahead seems smooth and bright. Adulthood smells good, and truly, the city, is my home. Yes bebeh, you're goddamn right.
Some pics from POC below, after ur long read. Thanks for dropping by, and be safe. Remember, "ANYTHING JUST CALL POLICE!" hah.
Bunk 18, home of "Star Team".
Check out Yan with the kiwi.
Check out Yan now, first to run, and WengFai's shoulder. HAHA classic.
Cameraman also kena.
Uncensored divisional logos.
=)
He was my primary school best friend, and I totally forgot.
"Grisandi"
Graduands.
My moment.
A Sgt is born!
And you, are my Commissioner. =)
Thursday, May 1
What's The Problem
Have u guys ever heard the song Jenny by Click Five?
Time to go. Bye-bye Liya! You know where to reach me.
P.O.C. date: 14 May 2008. =) Prepare for glory!
Time to go. Bye-bye Liya! You know where to reach me.
P.O.C. date: 14 May 2008. =) Prepare for glory!
Saturday, April 19
Hearts Burst Into Fire VI
A thick and cold fog has suddenly descended upon the cliffs, and the man is unable to see anything. For once, he seemed lost in his spot.
His vision is blinded, and he has completely lost the beauty. He calls out to her, yet no response. But through the fog, he sees rays of light, and as these rays of light breathe upon his skin, he feels the tender warmth of the daytime sunshine.
"What can this be? And where has the lady gone to?"
Suddenly from the blurry thickness of the fog, he sees the cliff's edge. And there, stood the beauty over the edge of the cliff. She was halfway into the drop, and her feet had already been over the edge. He sees his safety line, and he knows that it will catch her. He knows that if holds on to her, they can both be saved, by his safety line.
He dashes forward against the chilling coldness of the fog, his lungs freeze, and his skin shatters like ice, but he makes a leap for it, just as she went over the cliff. Suddenly his vision goes blank.
As he wakes, he feels the warmth of the light that he has seen earlier. Time seems to stand completely still, and he sees himself falling towards the earth. His hands have slipped from the grasp of the one he had wanted to catch earlier.
He looks up and what he saw took his breath away. The beauty, was in fact an angel. Her light was the one providing him the comfort that he felt earlier. Higher and higher she floated, seemingly unaware of what he has done.
His frail body cripples as he hits the ground below, and he, is shattered. Oh I should have known. So the woman was an angel all along. I do not blame her for anything, and I understand why she didn't tell me all this. For it was my mistake to think that angels could live with mortal men.
He doesn't feel angry at all, with all the unsaid, and all the half-truths. In his heart he knows, angels do not need to explain. They simply do not belong with us mortal men. But he is proud that throughout all this time, all that he has given is to the best of his limitations. He doesn't deny ever meeting this angel, and he has no regrets, for he was being true, honest and sincere all along.
"Rest assured, nothing will be said about the angel, even though I have seen through everything. Carry on, fly and shine your light to those that you desire. Don't worry about whatever you have recieved here in my spot, for it is my gift. It is my duty, my job. For I know, I shall survive this."
The man knows, he is mortal after all. He bleeds, and he sees that his place, is with the mortal men.
His vision is blinded, and he has completely lost the beauty. He calls out to her, yet no response. But through the fog, he sees rays of light, and as these rays of light breathe upon his skin, he feels the tender warmth of the daytime sunshine.
"What can this be? And where has the lady gone to?"
Suddenly from the blurry thickness of the fog, he sees the cliff's edge. And there, stood the beauty over the edge of the cliff. She was halfway into the drop, and her feet had already been over the edge. He sees his safety line, and he knows that it will catch her. He knows that if holds on to her, they can both be saved, by his safety line.
He dashes forward against the chilling coldness of the fog, his lungs freeze, and his skin shatters like ice, but he makes a leap for it, just as she went over the cliff. Suddenly his vision goes blank.
As he wakes, he feels the warmth of the light that he has seen earlier. Time seems to stand completely still, and he sees himself falling towards the earth. His hands have slipped from the grasp of the one he had wanted to catch earlier.
He looks up and what he saw took his breath away. The beauty, was in fact an angel. Her light was the one providing him the comfort that he felt earlier. Higher and higher she floated, seemingly unaware of what he has done.
His frail body cripples as he hits the ground below, and he, is shattered. Oh I should have known. So the woman was an angel all along. I do not blame her for anything, and I understand why she didn't tell me all this. For it was my mistake to think that angels could live with mortal men.
He doesn't feel angry at all, with all the unsaid, and all the half-truths. In his heart he knows, angels do not need to explain. They simply do not belong with us mortal men. But he is proud that throughout all this time, all that he has given is to the best of his limitations. He doesn't deny ever meeting this angel, and he has no regrets, for he was being true, honest and sincere all along.
"Rest assured, nothing will be said about the angel, even though I have seen through everything. Carry on, fly and shine your light to those that you desire. Don't worry about whatever you have recieved here in my spot, for it is my gift. It is my duty, my job. For I know, I shall survive this."
The man knows, he is mortal after all. He bleeds, and he sees that his place, is with the mortal men.
Hearts Burst Into Fire V
You know there is a legend on this cliff, this used to be a site of a castle.
So as the story goes, there lived a brave knight. It is spoken in the towns, the existence of a most beautiful princess that lived atop the cliff, stranded in the castle, high overlooking the view of the lands. It is said that whoever can convince her to come down, he shall have the honour of being with the princess.
The brave knight, ever gallant and courageous, stood up to the challenge. He was a man of legend, he has defeated many villians, slayed dragons and braved many challenges. He believed that he was someone so invincible, and he took it upon himself as a test. Because he knew, that no matter what everyone and even himself thought, the princess was well worth the trials.
He mounted his steed and rode forth towards the castle, and found the birthplace of the spoken myths, the colossal building, there towering before him. He approached it, and as his ride came to a stop he heard a voice.
"Who goes there?"
"Why it is me, nothing but a brave knight. I may not be the fairest, bravest and youngest knight in the region, by I have come by far to save you."
"Very well, speak."
"Oh princess, I have come to rescue you. Come with me and I shall take you away. Believe in me, for I shall try my best to aid you, and heal your sufferings. I have set aside all my personal beliefs, and I have brought gold and food and the promise of a good life."
"Stop. I've heard enough. Carry on, with whatever it is you are doing."
"But, your highness..."
"I have to go now, I have no time for such petty thoughts. And besides, the thought of ever escaping this horrible place has never struck me. Even so, I hadn't thought of it yet. Leave now, for you are not welcome here. "
And the knight marches on, but in his heart, he is begging for some answers to his many questions. None shall come though, and it is not known if it ever will.
And that is one of the many stories of this spot.
So as the story goes, there lived a brave knight. It is spoken in the towns, the existence of a most beautiful princess that lived atop the cliff, stranded in the castle, high overlooking the view of the lands. It is said that whoever can convince her to come down, he shall have the honour of being with the princess.
The brave knight, ever gallant and courageous, stood up to the challenge. He was a man of legend, he has defeated many villians, slayed dragons and braved many challenges. He believed that he was someone so invincible, and he took it upon himself as a test. Because he knew, that no matter what everyone and even himself thought, the princess was well worth the trials.
He mounted his steed and rode forth towards the castle, and found the birthplace of the spoken myths, the colossal building, there towering before him. He approached it, and as his ride came to a stop he heard a voice.
"Who goes there?"
"Why it is me, nothing but a brave knight. I may not be the fairest, bravest and youngest knight in the region, by I have come by far to save you."
"Very well, speak."
"Oh princess, I have come to rescue you. Come with me and I shall take you away. Believe in me, for I shall try my best to aid you, and heal your sufferings. I have set aside all my personal beliefs, and I have brought gold and food and the promise of a good life."
"Stop. I've heard enough. Carry on, with whatever it is you are doing."
"But, your highness..."
"I have to go now, I have no time for such petty thoughts. And besides, the thought of ever escaping this horrible place has never struck me. Even so, I hadn't thought of it yet. Leave now, for you are not welcome here. "
And the knight marches on, but in his heart, he is begging for some answers to his many questions. None shall come though, and it is not known if it ever will.
And that is one of the many stories of this spot.
Tuesday, April 15
How long could you hang on to a word.
I have feelings for my junior from my secondary school,
Nurul' Kamilliya Kamil.
I wait for her to get her hp and sms me, everyday. But she hasn't been really smsing for a full month now, and I don't know if that constitutes as missing someone. Oh don't get me wrong, I'm not about to settle down. I just wanted to proclaim it to everyone since I'm such an extrovert and I don't give a damn about my reputation aniwae. I just want to be true to my feelings, and I feel something alright.
You guys know this, why am I telling you again. I duno, I guess I just exploded. Oh god, please spare my heart this time around.
Tml's an off day! Before I head into camp on Wednesday morning, 8am. 3 more weeks to POC, i think.
Romeo1 to Control, Romeo1 to Control. Romeo1 has lost sight of the target, over. Suspect has been transmitting information extremely irregularly, and leaking information. Credibility of which is still unknown, but Romeo1's been blindly following the lead, as we should explore all avenues of info from the subject. Or maybe its the new program called,''faith and trust''. Hoping there may be further leads into this subject. Seems currently all talkgroup channels to subject are engaged or made absent, but evidence HAS shown the existence of such avenues available based on images captured on the web. Romeo1 is currently very disoriented, from receiving distorted intel. Romeo1 feels like Santa Claus, over. LimaOscarLima Control, Romeo1 requests this ops to resume to where it was the last time. I'm dying out here. Please. TangoYankeeVictorMike. Over and out.
Nurul' Kamilliya Kamil.
I wait for her to get her hp and sms me, everyday. But she hasn't been really smsing for a full month now, and I don't know if that constitutes as missing someone. Oh don't get me wrong, I'm not about to settle down. I just wanted to proclaim it to everyone since I'm such an extrovert and I don't give a damn about my reputation aniwae. I just want to be true to my feelings, and I feel something alright.
You guys know this, why am I telling you again. I duno, I guess I just exploded. Oh god, please spare my heart this time around.
Tml's an off day! Before I head into camp on Wednesday morning, 8am. 3 more weeks to POC, i think.
Romeo1 to Control, Romeo1 to Control. Romeo1 has lost sight of the target, over. Suspect has been transmitting information extremely irregularly, and leaking information. Credibility of which is still unknown, but Romeo1's been blindly following the lead, as we should explore all avenues of info from the subject. Or maybe its the new program called,''faith and trust''. Hoping there may be further leads into this subject. Seems currently all talkgroup channels to subject are engaged or made absent, but evidence HAS shown the existence of such avenues available based on images captured on the web. Romeo1 is currently very disoriented, from receiving distorted intel. Romeo1 feels like Santa Claus, over. LimaOscarLima Control, Romeo1 requests this ops to resume to where it was the last time. I'm dying out here. Please. TangoYankeeVictorMike. Over and out.
Sunday, April 13
Thursday, April 10
I'm just feeling sorry for myself.
TL of QRT, SI Zul: Eh you like a totally different genre of music huh. Its like you listen to heavy metal and suddenly got sad jiwang malay songs. I know what that's like. So which one are you eh, "Mat Putus Cinta(Love&lost)" or "Mat Jiwa-jiwa(Emo&lovelorn)"?
Sgt Andi: I duno lah sir, i think im somewhere in the middle. :)
I've never really opened myself to much malay songs before, but you know how I always have this constant choked up feeling. I don't know sometimes I feel that I live on others, you know. I strive to make others happy, and I tend to prioritize other people's feelings rather than my own. Inside I know so many things that I just could not open my mouth to say.
In some way I guess I find relief in songs. Sometimes they speak the words that you cannot just seem to say. In that sense a song speaks to you the way you could never speak to people, to tell them what you really mean. And I wanted to apologize to random people who stumble upon this blog, I know the blog entries titles being song titles tend to mislead you into coming here, by appearing in search engines. But its just me, I guess music is in me you know.
In the meanwhile, I am continuing my struggle to be a good and useful person and continuing my motorbike pracs, and I'm targeting to pass around July or August, before Hari Raya! It hasn't been easy, mind you. I fell on the figure 8 circuit yesterday, got thrown a good few meters on the tar, skidded on my head, palm and side. Scratched my helmet bad, got bruises on my hips and tore my gloves and had a DEEP cut on my palms, which kept watering the whole day. Its the most painful shit ah, I TELL YOU. But i'm just tahaning, hoping to pass really soon for the sake of some special people in my life. :) In fact, when i fell i got up and continued till the end of the lesson, bleeding the whole time. I fell at night around 10pm, but i even went to book a prac at 830am the next morning. The instructor said i HARDCORE. YES BEBEH.
Nurse, don't scold me, ok? This strength is the light of the princess. Every knight needs his steed right? Mine's gonna be a scrambler, with a box. So don't push me off my high horse now! ONWARD!
Sgt Andi: I duno lah sir, i think im somewhere in the middle. :)
I've never really opened myself to much malay songs before, but you know how I always have this constant choked up feeling. I don't know sometimes I feel that I live on others, you know. I strive to make others happy, and I tend to prioritize other people's feelings rather than my own. Inside I know so many things that I just could not open my mouth to say.
In some way I guess I find relief in songs. Sometimes they speak the words that you cannot just seem to say. In that sense a song speaks to you the way you could never speak to people, to tell them what you really mean. And I wanted to apologize to random people who stumble upon this blog, I know the blog entries titles being song titles tend to mislead you into coming here, by appearing in search engines. But its just me, I guess music is in me you know.
In the meanwhile, I am continuing my struggle to be a good and useful person and continuing my motorbike pracs, and I'm targeting to pass around July or August, before Hari Raya! It hasn't been easy, mind you. I fell on the figure 8 circuit yesterday, got thrown a good few meters on the tar, skidded on my head, palm and side. Scratched my helmet bad, got bruises on my hips and tore my gloves and had a DEEP cut on my palms, which kept watering the whole day. Its the most painful shit ah, I TELL YOU. But i'm just tahaning, hoping to pass really soon for the sake of some special people in my life. :) In fact, when i fell i got up and continued till the end of the lesson, bleeding the whole time. I fell at night around 10pm, but i even went to book a prac at 830am the next morning. The instructor said i HARDCORE. YES BEBEH.
Nurse, don't scold me, ok? This strength is the light of the princess. Every knight needs his steed right? Mine's gonna be a scrambler, with a box. So don't push me off my high horse now! ONWARD!
Friday, April 4
And you can save it all.
Sad song, sadder lyrics. Super meaningful. =(
Chiodos- Intensity In Ten Cities
I'm not the one that you want, i'll only let you down.
and i'm pretty sure that you've caught on.
and you can save it all
i'm just feeling sorry for my
i think it's every time i look into a room
pure silence so sudden but i sooth to hear it
context saying that you are the rain on the parade
and how long could you hang on to a word
tell me how long how could you hang on to a word
i'm not the one that you want; i'll only let you down.
and i'm pretty sure that you've caught on.
and you can save it all
i'm just feeling sorry for myself
but maybe it's all eyes on you; in love with ego and attention
the eyes that are just begging me for more
this is gone and i can see it.
your head is full of words, full of words that don't mean anything
and how long could you hang on to a word
tell me how long could you hang on to a word
i'm not the one that you want; i'll always let you down.
and i'm pretty sure that you've caught on.
and you can save it all
i'm just feeling sorry for myself
i'm not the one that you want; i'll always let you down.
and i'm pretty sure that you've caught on.
and you can save it all
i'm just feeling sorry for myself
Chiodos- Intensity In Ten Cities
I'm not the one that you want, i'll only let you down.
and i'm pretty sure that you've caught on.
and you can save it all
i'm just feeling sorry for my
i think it's every time i look into a room
pure silence so sudden but i sooth to hear it
context saying that you are the rain on the parade
and how long could you hang on to a word
tell me how long how could you hang on to a word
i'm not the one that you want; i'll only let you down.
and i'm pretty sure that you've caught on.
and you can save it all
i'm just feeling sorry for myself
but maybe it's all eyes on you; in love with ego and attention
the eyes that are just begging me for more
this is gone and i can see it.
your head is full of words, full of words that don't mean anything
and how long could you hang on to a word
tell me how long could you hang on to a word
i'm not the one that you want; i'll always let you down.
and i'm pretty sure that you've caught on.
and you can save it all
i'm just feeling sorry for myself
i'm not the one that you want; i'll always let you down.
and i'm pretty sure that you've caught on.
and you can save it all
i'm just feeling sorry for myself
Saturday, March 29
Hearts Burst Into Fire IV
I like the wind. The wind, is my friend here.
Ah, the wind...it might just carry you away doesn't it? I know the wind is strong, and if you stand too close to the cliff, the wind might just kill you. And there you shall fall, down to your death.
But let me tell you about the wind, it carries news. News of a sunny day, news of a thunderstorm. It can tell you what kinda day you're having, or going to be having.
The most important thing of all about the wind, is that it carries. So you, why don't you cast aside all your sadness and fears, all the hurt and anger, you broken future's dreams, and let it float. Float away, carried by the wind into the evening sunset.
The wind will make you feel better. So let it go.
Ah, the wind...it might just carry you away doesn't it? I know the wind is strong, and if you stand too close to the cliff, the wind might just kill you. And there you shall fall, down to your death.
But let me tell you about the wind, it carries news. News of a sunny day, news of a thunderstorm. It can tell you what kinda day you're having, or going to be having.
The most important thing of all about the wind, is that it carries. So you, why don't you cast aside all your sadness and fears, all the hurt and anger, you broken future's dreams, and let it float. Float away, carried by the wind into the evening sunset.
The wind will make you feel better. So let it go.
Wednesday, March 26
How About Enough
You know there is a comic book character called Daredevil.
He's blind, and yet they call him "The Man Without Fear".
And if what they say is true, love is blind;
Then shouldn't we all love, without fear?
He's blind, and yet they call him "The Man Without Fear".
And if what they say is true, love is blind;
Then shouldn't we all love, without fear?
Sunday, March 23
We're all wounded anyway, in our own respective ways.
WAKE UP. Time for me to wake up, and stop fussing about it.
COME BACK SOON! But that doesn't mean i don't care now.
So shut up, pick yourself up, and stop being a wimp. You coward andi, you always were.
COME BACK SOON! But that doesn't mean i don't care now.
So shut up, pick yourself up, and stop being a wimp. You coward andi, you always were.
Friday, March 21
Hearts Burst Into Fire III
From where they are standing, they see overcast skies and storms, fast approaching. The day starts to darken as the rainclouds start drifting in.
"When the storm comes in, the days here get really cold and harsh,'' the man says.
"But I like the cold, its where I want to be right now. Cold and alone. The cold is good for me,"she replies.
"Its too dangerous, for if you stay here, the lightning might get you, and I could never forgive myself if anything was to happen to you. But if you insist on waiting, then at least let me wait out here with you. I don't care how long the rain's gonna be, take all the time you want, as long as you need to be here. Maybe we might just live to see the sunlight again, and I promise you there will be rainbows. Pretty pretty rainbows," he adds.
"Believe me, I've seen it. Trust me, this is my spot."
"When the storm comes in, the days here get really cold and harsh,'' the man says.
"But I like the cold, its where I want to be right now. Cold and alone. The cold is good for me,"she replies.
"Its too dangerous, for if you stay here, the lightning might get you, and I could never forgive myself if anything was to happen to you. But if you insist on waiting, then at least let me wait out here with you. I don't care how long the rain's gonna be, take all the time you want, as long as you need to be here. Maybe we might just live to see the sunlight again, and I promise you there will be rainbows. Pretty pretty rainbows," he adds.
"Believe me, I've seen it. Trust me, this is my spot."
Tuesday, March 18
Hearts Burst Into Fire II
"Stand tall oh fair maiden. Stand firm, strong and upright. Because the sun will rise. And tomorrow will be a new brighter day,'' said the man.
"But we're standing here, in the middle of nowhere. What's the point?", she says.
"Oh beauty, you are standing here in my spot. You'll never know if people are watching. You'll never know if there is someone out there who needs you, someone out there still looking for you. So be strong, just like you are supposed to. Maybe even someday, someone will find you and come and take you away. You'll never know. Your happiness, is all i ask."
The man has a heavy heart, but he smiles. He knows, he did good.
"But we're standing here, in the middle of nowhere. What's the point?", she says.
"Oh beauty, you are standing here in my spot. You'll never know if people are watching. You'll never know if there is someone out there who needs you, someone out there still looking for you. So be strong, just like you are supposed to. Maybe even someday, someone will find you and come and take you away. You'll never know. Your happiness, is all i ask."
The man has a heavy heart, but he smiles. He knows, he did good.
Monday, March 17
Hearts Burst Into Fire. I
Imagine a very beautiful stretch of road, so serene, right near the mountainside. Cliffs that plunge down into the sea. Oh so pretty isn't it? That's the scene of my story.
A man frequents this area, down by the same spot on the cliff near the bend. For every living day of his life, he visits the area religiously, without fail. No matter how busy he is, he knows that he has to be there, it is his spot.
From there, he sees many things, he gangsters selling vcds, he sees middle school malay dances and rock bands, he sees the hospital, he sees the university, he sees the merlion, he sees a giant shoe-house made of chocolate cake, and he sees everyone, living their lives. Yes, this is his life that he sees, for it is his spot.
He has gone there many days and nights. And he knows what sunrise looks like, as it pierces the darkness of the night sky, lighting up the void in his heart. He knows what sunset looks like, shadowing the brightness of his days. He knows, and he can expect it very well, for it is his spot.
Cars, bikes, vans, police patrols all regularly commute this road behind him, wonder why there is a man there, but none stop to say hello. He doesn't mind, passer-bys are passer-bys, for it is his spot.
All he wishes for is to sit there everyday, hoping to see the next sunrise and sunset. It is what keeps him going, as he doesn't even remember how old he is, or how old he can be. He isn't worried one bit, he just sits there, for it is his spot.
One night, there came by a beauty, walking along the side of the road. The beauty looks torn, upset and broken. It is not often that people walk the road in this spot, so the man welcomes her to join him. He offers her whatever measly items he has, and he tries to give his best to her. For a moment there he was happy, as he discovers this amazing new friend that he has found. Has she lost her way? Was she left behind by the moving cars that speed past? Who is responsible for hurting such a person? His mind questions, but his mouth doesn't. He wants her to say, but he's unsure if she wants to. "I know its not the coziest of places, but you're welcome to stay,'' he says."The town's down there, its warmer and nearer to the sun, but if you're coming back, please tell me to wait. I'll be here all day for you. This is my spot."
The beauty says nothing, but walks forwards to the edge of the cliff. The man chases her and walk together to the cliffside, "Maybe she wants to see the sun." They walk all the way to the edge together, one wrong move and they'll plunge. He knows this, for this is his spot.
He takes the only safety line that he has and attaches it to his spot, and hooks it onto her without her knowledge. He knows that he doesn't want her to fall over the cliff, and he's taking precaution. Will the line catch her? Or will she fall? Faith he says, faith in my safety line. The only way to know is to jump.
"Let's go", the beauty says. The man is confused. What does she mean? Let's jump or let's get back to the spot? "No, let's stay here awhile. Its almost sunrise. Your days will be warmer, and you'll feel better. Trust me. I know, coz this is my spot."
So the beauty stands there. In the shadows of the night, standing there. Is she going to jump? The man waits. If she jumps, he will jump too. Oh she will be safe alright, everytime she falls even though she doesn't know it, she has my safety line. It will always be there, it will never fail.
So they stand there, he is alert and ever ready. What's the next action? He knows, if he jumps, it might be certain death. But he is not afraid. For her, he is ready.
A man frequents this area, down by the same spot on the cliff near the bend. For every living day of his life, he visits the area religiously, without fail. No matter how busy he is, he knows that he has to be there, it is his spot.
From there, he sees many things, he gangsters selling vcds, he sees middle school malay dances and rock bands, he sees the hospital, he sees the university, he sees the merlion, he sees a giant shoe-house made of chocolate cake, and he sees everyone, living their lives. Yes, this is his life that he sees, for it is his spot.
He has gone there many days and nights. And he knows what sunrise looks like, as it pierces the darkness of the night sky, lighting up the void in his heart. He knows what sunset looks like, shadowing the brightness of his days. He knows, and he can expect it very well, for it is his spot.
Cars, bikes, vans, police patrols all regularly commute this road behind him, wonder why there is a man there, but none stop to say hello. He doesn't mind, passer-bys are passer-bys, for it is his spot.
All he wishes for is to sit there everyday, hoping to see the next sunrise and sunset. It is what keeps him going, as he doesn't even remember how old he is, or how old he can be. He isn't worried one bit, he just sits there, for it is his spot.
One night, there came by a beauty, walking along the side of the road. The beauty looks torn, upset and broken. It is not often that people walk the road in this spot, so the man welcomes her to join him. He offers her whatever measly items he has, and he tries to give his best to her. For a moment there he was happy, as he discovers this amazing new friend that he has found. Has she lost her way? Was she left behind by the moving cars that speed past? Who is responsible for hurting such a person? His mind questions, but his mouth doesn't. He wants her to say, but he's unsure if she wants to. "I know its not the coziest of places, but you're welcome to stay,'' he says."The town's down there, its warmer and nearer to the sun, but if you're coming back, please tell me to wait. I'll be here all day for you. This is my spot."
The beauty says nothing, but walks forwards to the edge of the cliff. The man chases her and walk together to the cliffside, "Maybe she wants to see the sun." They walk all the way to the edge together, one wrong move and they'll plunge. He knows this, for this is his spot.
He takes the only safety line that he has and attaches it to his spot, and hooks it onto her without her knowledge. He knows that he doesn't want her to fall over the cliff, and he's taking precaution. Will the line catch her? Or will she fall? Faith he says, faith in my safety line. The only way to know is to jump.
"Let's go", the beauty says. The man is confused. What does she mean? Let's jump or let's get back to the spot? "No, let's stay here awhile. Its almost sunrise. Your days will be warmer, and you'll feel better. Trust me. I know, coz this is my spot."
So the beauty stands there. In the shadows of the night, standing there. Is she going to jump? The man waits. If she jumps, he will jump too. Oh she will be safe alright, everytime she falls even though she doesn't know it, she has my safety line. It will always be there, it will never fail.
So they stand there, he is alert and ever ready. What's the next action? He knows, if he jumps, it might be certain death. But he is not afraid. For her, he is ready.
Thursday, March 13
NKK =)
hello there. it appears there is some conflict with regards to my blog. so i guess i've to address present matters, which is rare.
guess it was a mistake to be too honest with you by giving you my blog address, coz i didnt wanna hide anything, but like i have always said to everyone, this blog is just a nice memory bank that i keep to see my past memories. that's kinda what makes a person you know, good memories; it could just pick you up when you're at your lowest point in life. its kinda like a vintage photograph set in words, for you to experience over and over again.
but remember, memories are memories. they're not current, what me or misha may be feeling or going through now is MOST DEFINITELY very different from what is written here(check the context first though). we're different people now, with different lives. we used to be same same, and now we're different. for one, we're broken up since when, how long has that been? we've also successfully transited into the land of friendship, and i think we came out just fine.
we're best friends now, nothing more, nothing less. it wasn't easy!
i know it must have been hard for a visitor to tread on my memories, you have to be very careful. they're like the clouds, one wrong move and poof! you might just end up with a painful fall. but can you imagine if you never ever knew the existence of such a blog, only to find it later on with all these mentions of sweet nothings inside that i've been keeping secret? that's gonna be more painful, i should know. they say that if you're not guilty, then you won't have anything to hide. well i am guilt-free, and i'm as innocent as a cop. haha!
mish's shoes arent easy to fill, coz got bunions! HAHA okay seriously, misha's shoes arent easy to fill, and i know that its certain death. they're like concrete shoes that you see in mafia movies before you drown the fella. but i do know this, if i do fall in love again...i want it to be with someone that is true. all i'm asking for is honesty in yourself, because if i was to ever learn from anything in this blog, is that i have loved someone that wasn't really who she was supposed to be. i, or rather we, moulded her into this other being that was my perfect girlfriend and i became a better boyfriend(i think so, now lah. date me to find out.) i dont want that, coz i know where that road goes. what's the point then, i might as well go date a MAID and marry her.
to my next girlfriend, whoever you are if you're out there, here's a very advance post that i've made for you. remember all these things that i've said okay? dont benchmark yourself against misha, coz i'm not expecting a desperate housewife, just you, in your natural self. isnt that the best way to love someone, for who they really are. big deal lah if they cannot do this and that. honesty and sincerity rates tops with me. maybe decency as well, but that's another chapter.
and trust me, this blog, will be jealous of you. -GULP- i try my best okay...coz you know i'd try to give you the world, just like i've done before.
auditions for the above post is now open. take your time to practice. =)
guess it was a mistake to be too honest with you by giving you my blog address, coz i didnt wanna hide anything, but like i have always said to everyone, this blog is just a nice memory bank that i keep to see my past memories. that's kinda what makes a person you know, good memories; it could just pick you up when you're at your lowest point in life. its kinda like a vintage photograph set in words, for you to experience over and over again.
but remember, memories are memories. they're not current, what me or misha may be feeling or going through now is MOST DEFINITELY very different from what is written here(check the context first though). we're different people now, with different lives. we used to be same same, and now we're different. for one, we're broken up since when, how long has that been? we've also successfully transited into the land of friendship, and i think we came out just fine.
we're best friends now, nothing more, nothing less. it wasn't easy!
i know it must have been hard for a visitor to tread on my memories, you have to be very careful. they're like the clouds, one wrong move and poof! you might just end up with a painful fall. but can you imagine if you never ever knew the existence of such a blog, only to find it later on with all these mentions of sweet nothings inside that i've been keeping secret? that's gonna be more painful, i should know. they say that if you're not guilty, then you won't have anything to hide. well i am guilt-free, and i'm as innocent as a cop. haha!
mish's shoes arent easy to fill, coz got bunions! HAHA okay seriously, misha's shoes arent easy to fill, and i know that its certain death. they're like concrete shoes that you see in mafia movies before you drown the fella. but i do know this, if i do fall in love again...i want it to be with someone that is true. all i'm asking for is honesty in yourself, because if i was to ever learn from anything in this blog, is that i have loved someone that wasn't really who she was supposed to be. i, or rather we, moulded her into this other being that was my perfect girlfriend and i became a better boyfriend(i think so, now lah. date me to find out.) i dont want that, coz i know where that road goes. what's the point then, i might as well go date a MAID and marry her.
to my next girlfriend, whoever you are if you're out there, here's a very advance post that i've made for you. remember all these things that i've said okay? dont benchmark yourself against misha, coz i'm not expecting a desperate housewife, just you, in your natural self. isnt that the best way to love someone, for who they really are. big deal lah if they cannot do this and that. honesty and sincerity rates tops with me. maybe decency as well, but that's another chapter.
and trust me, this blog, will be jealous of you. -GULP- i try my best okay...coz you know i'd try to give you the world, just like i've done before.
auditions for the above post is now open. take your time to practice. =)
Thursday, February 28
swittersweet
of course i'll always remember us. well
heartbreak isnt always a bad thing. i cant
wait to wish you for a better day, a better life
and us, as better friends. my promise
a less painful memory, a friend. when
you have no one else, as you have been. for
me.
i love you but stop asking me kiss you.
fun :)
of course i'll always remember us. well
heartbreak isnt always a bad thing. i cant
wait to wish you for a better day, a better life
and us, as better friends. my promise
a less painful memory, a friend. when
you have no one else, as you have been. for
me.
i love you but stop asking me kiss you.
fun :)
Sunday, February 24
The biggest leap on the trapeze.
Everyone deserves the right to be happy. And I'm sorry, you should be meeting good men, not those that are drunk and try to lay you, or those involved in crime and such, just so you know how miserable your life actually is and how better it was with me.
We've been very selfish to think that, and it almost always adds up to you and your stupid childish addictions to drinking, clubbing, smoking, etc. and in the end you finding that you've just been supressing the pain and burying underneath all the fun. The truth is, you shouldn't take all the blame, we decided together remember?
You should meet, good men. One that i would be proud of seeing you with, one that i wouldn't laugh when i compare myself with them coz, oh i can do so much better. hmmph. And I, should meet women deserving of my undying fervour for love. We were meant to be happier.
But one day, we shall wake up from our dream, that began oh so beautifully and ended so tragically, to find that we were best friends all along. And I think I wanna be an insomniac, if there is such a word.
If I want everyone around me to be safe and happy, then you should know, all the more I would want these things, just for you, my best friend.
May my death breathe new life for you.
We've been very selfish to think that, and it almost always adds up to you and your stupid childish addictions to drinking, clubbing, smoking, etc. and in the end you finding that you've just been supressing the pain and burying underneath all the fun. The truth is, you shouldn't take all the blame, we decided together remember?
You should meet, good men. One that i would be proud of seeing you with, one that i wouldn't laugh when i compare myself with them coz, oh i can do so much better. hmmph. And I, should meet women deserving of my undying fervour for love. We were meant to be happier.
But one day, we shall wake up from our dream, that began oh so beautifully and ended so tragically, to find that we were best friends all along. And I think I wanna be an insomniac, if there is such a word.
If I want everyone around me to be safe and happy, then you should know, all the more I would want these things, just for you, my best friend.
May my death breathe new life for you.
Saturday, February 23
Won't you save me?
My heart, it weeps for you.
Can you hear it?
I wanna be honest and true.
I want to, just like how I've always been giving.
The earth I live in, it separates the dead from the living.
Yayan is dying. Are you crying?
I wanna be true, if I'm to start again, with someone new.
So should you.
Can you hear it?
I wanna be honest and true.
I want to, just like how I've always been giving.
The earth I live in, it separates the dead from the living.
Yayan is dying. Are you crying?
I wanna be true, if I'm to start again, with someone new.
So should you.
Saturday, February 16
Shaken, not stirred.
Like i said, my heart seems shaken.
Don't get me wrong, i'm not competing with you over who has more dates or who has something more real, its just that for me its been a long while since i was able to shift my attention off you. And amazingly, it seems that the pain that i've been feeling for so long, is kinda cushioned like a plaster on a gushing wound, which doesnt really help. Guess jealousy will fade soon enough, and then it's no fun to make me jealous, right?
But before i spiral-dive out of control, i'm gonna take a step back and analyze the situation. Playing it slow, really slow actually. Besides i've been rather busy these weekends, can hardly find the time to breathe, what more meet people. So yeah that also quite contributes to helping me have some more room to breathe and think.
I know its wrong to be using someone for the sole reason for moving on, that's why I keep hitting myself whenever I think I am doing that(which i really think I don't, really). Others around might think that though, which is sad. Guess xiu was right, I cant replace someone in my life by another, what more with SEVERAL. HAHA well i havent been dating ANYONE really, what more multiple.
Its true, what I've never told you is that I AM angry that you've changed so much since we broke up, and I haven't. Sure i'm no longer metal-metal, coz i'm police-police, and that's what hurts the most i guess. You're an alcoholic, which somehow validates some of your social behaviour around people. I guess drinks give you something to blame and excuse some of the subconcious happenings that would normally be a social stigma. Maybe that's why people turn to alcohol, to have a reason that is acceptable to do the things that you never could be able to without it, or to be able to physically do those things and claim that you're not responsible. Sure, blame the alcohol, not the drinker. People will believe you, it's true. But, again do what you want.
One thing for sure is that, i've not been putting you in that bounding box of "my fantasies" and i think you've been happy being yourself. =) I am happy for you, misha. How does it feel? Free, huh. Ahhh, i bet you love the fresh free air in the morning.
Today's panther's wedding, CONGRATULATIONS SIR! Even though you always bully me with your 15kg rice bag runs, torturous 20 pullups, infinite jumping jacks, and to-your-right-palms-downS, i'm actually quite happy for you. I've never been to an Indian wedding, so later's gonna be a first.
Infatuation can complicate situations, guess all I need is time to discover. Hope I didn't come across as being desperate though, because I'm just biding my time. But inside my heart, I know I am confused, and that is a fact. Luckily/Unluckily, i've been very busy these weeks, which kinda gives me a reason to take my time. Well i'm not really looking for a relationship, but opening my eyes to the real world that everyone tells me: there-are-many-fishes-in-the-sea-kinda world, would do me good i guess. Maybe it'd prove my theory of love and why we broke up as WRONG.
Haha i think the reason i'm blogging this is just because well, its been rather awhile since i had my heart shaken. Guess that's what happens after three years of loving someone too much. Or maybe i'm not such a pro at sweet-talking, like i thought i was.
Control, subject seems to be still carefully well hidden in a clam-shell of hurt and emotion from past relationship. However subject appears to be responsive, once in a while. Till then mission progress would have to be rather slow, which is advantageous to our position, and we can acquire more data on the above subject. Avoiding stealth pursuit, as subject still seems rather hostile towards other Romeo units as seen on blog sites. However, still no true leads on what subject's REAL assessment on Romeo1 is, but past intelligence reveal that Romeo1 is a good sms buddy, of sorts. Romeo1's emotional equipment also still seems broken from pass missions with Project M, requesting time to heal before pursuing mission fully. Romeo1 also has yet to analyze Project M's success rate, should we choose to resume on it. Requesting time to heal emotional equipment, over.
Don't get me wrong, i'm not competing with you over who has more dates or who has something more real, its just that for me its been a long while since i was able to shift my attention off you. And amazingly, it seems that the pain that i've been feeling for so long, is kinda cushioned like a plaster on a gushing wound, which doesnt really help. Guess jealousy will fade soon enough, and then it's no fun to make me jealous, right?
But before i spiral-dive out of control, i'm gonna take a step back and analyze the situation. Playing it slow, really slow actually. Besides i've been rather busy these weekends, can hardly find the time to breathe, what more meet people. So yeah that also quite contributes to helping me have some more room to breathe and think.
I know its wrong to be using someone for the sole reason for moving on, that's why I keep hitting myself whenever I think I am doing that(which i really think I don't, really). Others around might think that though, which is sad. Guess xiu was right, I cant replace someone in my life by another, what more with SEVERAL. HAHA well i havent been dating ANYONE really, what more multiple.
Its true, what I've never told you is that I AM angry that you've changed so much since we broke up, and I haven't. Sure i'm no longer metal-metal, coz i'm police-police, and that's what hurts the most i guess. You're an alcoholic, which somehow validates some of your social behaviour around people. I guess drinks give you something to blame and excuse some of the subconcious happenings that would normally be a social stigma. Maybe that's why people turn to alcohol, to have a reason that is acceptable to do the things that you never could be able to without it, or to be able to physically do those things and claim that you're not responsible. Sure, blame the alcohol, not the drinker. People will believe you, it's true. But, again do what you want.
One thing for sure is that, i've not been putting you in that bounding box of "my fantasies" and i think you've been happy being yourself. =) I am happy for you, misha. How does it feel? Free, huh. Ahhh, i bet you love the fresh free air in the morning.
Today's panther's wedding, CONGRATULATIONS SIR! Even though you always bully me with your 15kg rice bag runs, torturous 20 pullups, infinite jumping jacks, and to-your-right-palms-downS, i'm actually quite happy for you. I've never been to an Indian wedding, so later's gonna be a first.
Infatuation can complicate situations, guess all I need is time to discover. Hope I didn't come across as being desperate though, because I'm just biding my time. But inside my heart, I know I am confused, and that is a fact. Luckily/Unluckily, i've been very busy these weeks, which kinda gives me a reason to take my time. Well i'm not really looking for a relationship, but opening my eyes to the real world that everyone tells me: there-are-many-fishes-in-the-sea-kinda world, would do me good i guess. Maybe it'd prove my theory of love and why we broke up as WRONG.
Haha i think the reason i'm blogging this is just because well, its been rather awhile since i had my heart shaken. Guess that's what happens after three years of loving someone too much. Or maybe i'm not such a pro at sweet-talking, like i thought i was.
Control, subject seems to be still carefully well hidden in a clam-shell of hurt and emotion from past relationship. However subject appears to be responsive, once in a while. Till then mission progress would have to be rather slow, which is advantageous to our position, and we can acquire more data on the above subject. Avoiding stealth pursuit, as subject still seems rather hostile towards other Romeo units as seen on blog sites. However, still no true leads on what subject's REAL assessment on Romeo1 is, but past intelligence reveal that Romeo1 is a good sms buddy, of sorts. Romeo1's emotional equipment also still seems broken from pass missions with Project M, requesting time to heal before pursuing mission fully. Romeo1 also has yet to analyze Project M's success rate, should we choose to resume on it. Requesting time to heal emotional equipment, over.
Saturday, February 9
What you do to me.
4 more weeks. 25 more working days. 4 more weekends.
Dream the same thing every night,
I see a freedom in my sight,
No locked doors no windows barred,
No place to make my brain seemed scarred.
Oh i would gladly be a mole, just to show you how different I am.
And i would gladly be an investigator, to unravel the mysteries of the truths in your mind.
But i am just a heartlander, and to you, i would gladly lend my heart.
Dream the same thing every night,
I see a freedom in my sight,
No locked doors no windows barred,
No place to make my brain seemed scarred.
Oh i would gladly be a mole, just to show you how different I am.
And i would gladly be an investigator, to unravel the mysteries of the truths in your mind.
But i am just a heartlander, and to you, i would gladly lend my heart.
Sunday, January 20
Losers.
haha oh mich i just had to blog this.
its so funny how ppl always think that they are the ones that you love when you blog about them, because quite honestly even i dont dare to think that i am being referred to as such. haha guess people do love living in the imaginary lives that they cook up for themselves, or wish that they had.
how amusing.
hahah you love them? hahah!
but i'm sure one day u will surface the truth, and i guess you did today (25/01/2008). so he'd better get the hint.
its so funny how ppl always think that they are the ones that you love when you blog about them, because quite honestly even i dont dare to think that i am being referred to as such. haha guess people do love living in the imaginary lives that they cook up for themselves, or wish that they had.
how amusing.
hahah you love them? hahah!
but i'm sure one day u will surface the truth, and i guess you did today (25/01/2008). so he'd better get the hint.
Come running home! Come running home!
Confusion and sadness is all around.
The 6th of March is counting down.
Policemen, they try to save others but they cannot even save themselves.
No wonder the princess weeps for us.
But things have changed, one day we will see.
The 6th of March is counting down.
Policemen, they try to save others but they cannot even save themselves.
No wonder the princess weeps for us.
But things have changed, one day we will see.
Sunday, January 6
2008
I know my past and I will always remember it.
I live my present and its what keeps me going.
I see my future and I know I want to give my best.
My life is well on its way.
And I know what its like to be loved. I've just forgotten what it feels like. And I would do anything to have that back.
8 more weeks to P.O.C. Everyone would be so proud.
I live my present and its what keeps me going.
I see my future and I know I want to give my best.
My life is well on its way.
And I know what its like to be loved. I've just forgotten what it feels like. And I would do anything to have that back.
8 more weeks to P.O.C. Everyone would be so proud.
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