Dead Memories In My Heart.

hey.

Much has passed since my last entry, for those that didn't know and didn't get a chance to rub salt on my wounds, i failed my TP. 30pts, 20 of which were for WOBBLING on the bike, wtf. no immediates though, and those ppl who were in my batch that failed on the same day, and failed on the same points as me, passed on 2nd attempt, just now. Hopefully, im luckier this time. Dear god, i've been a good boy! Pls let me pass, dah lah hari raya no bike. HMMPH. Nvm, i'll just play Ahmad to abah's mitsubishi lancer again.

Maybe when I have a bike, things at work will get better, i can stop coming late due to waiting for the damn shuttle 222 which takes bloody 15 mins to 25mins intervals.

But not likely, like what SSGT James said, human nature is always to belittle or ''makan'' those that are junior, newbies, like me. I'm the 2nd junior to join team, and I'm the youngest SGT in Alpha...so i cant exactly expect much. Guess there's a drawback when you surpass the barriers of what is deemed as normal. But James said, don't worry, it will all get better when new juniors join the team, which is very likely, with the setting up of a new NPC....ok shall not reveal much.

Wondering if I can take the pressure, just imagine, if all the old timers, your mentors, people whom you know you can turn to when the situation goes out of control, people whom you know will ALWAYS back you up, are no longer there. Only people whom are juniors, just like you, these are the people who you have to count on. What's gonna happen? Who's gonna come when you ask for backup? Who's gonna pick up after you when you screw up?

Will I be good enough? Guess I grew up too fast. So fast that sometimes, I look back and see, goddamn I should have done better back then. Even misha has trouble knowing who I am sometimes, in me she sees what "Andi" was back then...the metal-mat.

Haha that's what the previous post was about, I guessed maybe if i actually read up on what actually my personality was supposed to be like, I could be able to find myself and see who it is I'm supposed to be. So who are you sgt, who are you?

Oh Arionne, what would I be without you.

I know I'll never survive, with dead memories in my heart.