Does satisfaction equals to happiness?
Today in DET2, Shang talked about happiness. Its all about lau's ideals on what happiness is, i mean if everything that we did had to be so scientific and analysed, then we might as well praise the INCREDIBLE TALES professor dude as our holy man. What really is happiness? Is it satisfaction?
People find happiness in many different ways. Some live with people under their shoes, others make up for it by blinding themselves and actually living in their own fantasy worlds, others buy their happiness, others just roam around as zombies that feast, trying to prove their worth. Some may have made terrible mistakes and actually create worlds around with explainations. I am guilty of some of the above, but i'm happy. Damn right i am.
In the end, who's to decide who's inferior? Who's to decide who's a less better person, whose ideals are better or what's not. People can live to do a wrong thing and be at conflict inside themselves but readily hide their doubts in a hail of carefully aimed defensive shots.
Even blunt tickling feathers can turn to piercing bullets if recieved wrongly.
Coz in the end, I'm sorry.
Enough about that. No matter what others may say, I'm blind and I'm happy. In all ways. Guess I'm a bitch believing in this love. And its worth it, even under fatty acids and glycerol...coz i've found what i need.
Wednesday, August 31
Tuesday, August 30
WhY Do TheY ALwAYs SeNd ThE PooR?
hey there. to everyone around, its the end of our BDS latest assignment! i've been working my ass of juggling this damn thing and working my finger to the bone learning the two kick-ass songs we're gonna play this friday night. my fingers are full of blisters and my palms are peeling...but all in the name of ROCK.
Stage fight. That's my chance this season. Gotta make the best out of it. Thanks to all DCMD supporters, though you all may not appreciate the songs that i play, your support means alot to me. I hope we make it past to the finals. don't know if im good enough. gig-ing brings back lotsa old memories...and with this band, i'm gonna make it happen. as far as we can...though the fog's still thick, the road may be long.
today, i made michy cry, made kenn angry and got to know someone betta. michyfun, i'm so sorry. i know you're stressed and all rite, but maybe you were a little hard on me. i came back all the way and took the bloody train back with miss huei and ying wei ALONE. i think that was miserable enough, imagine how it must be for me when i found out that there was more to it then just clicking print and submission. her phone was also unbelievably invisible today. i wonder why.
today kenn got angry with me coz of something i said. i cant put my finger on what it is. but what i said must have made him damn upset. was it something i said about him being rich? if it is it was completely unintentional. was quite strange, he came over then started to wait for us then all of a sudden they walked away liao. well just wanna say that i appreciate you waiting for us kids while we were burning them shit and all but at least tell me what happened aye.
you, enlightening. been awhile since we talked huh. but its okay. i'll just see you around man.
what an exhausting day. i still love her anyhow. oh btw, ugly shoes.
Stage fight. That's my chance this season. Gotta make the best out of it. Thanks to all DCMD supporters, though you all may not appreciate the songs that i play, your support means alot to me. I hope we make it past to the finals. don't know if im good enough. gig-ing brings back lotsa old memories...and with this band, i'm gonna make it happen. as far as we can...though the fog's still thick, the road may be long.
today, i made michy cry, made kenn angry and got to know someone betta. michyfun, i'm so sorry. i know you're stressed and all rite, but maybe you were a little hard on me. i came back all the way and took the bloody train back with miss huei and ying wei ALONE. i think that was miserable enough, imagine how it must be for me when i found out that there was more to it then just clicking print and submission. her phone was also unbelievably invisible today. i wonder why.
today kenn got angry with me coz of something i said. i cant put my finger on what it is. but what i said must have made him damn upset. was it something i said about him being rich? if it is it was completely unintentional. was quite strange, he came over then started to wait for us then all of a sudden they walked away liao. well just wanna say that i appreciate you waiting for us kids while we were burning them shit and all but at least tell me what happened aye.
you, enlightening. been awhile since we talked huh. but its okay. i'll just see you around man.
what an exhausting day. i still love her anyhow. oh btw, ugly shoes.
Wednesday, August 10
<[all>this="html"<./shit>;
heya peeps! haha i know i havent updated for a reely long time... we've all been busy these days huh. well lookie! we've got a new skin! i dont know if it can be viewed on Mac, though. oh the tagboard's finally working too. kae i like spent the whole of national day at home debugging this lah. not as if i have no life, but i've been sick the past 2 days... i know lotsa people have been falling sick too! here's a big get well soon to all of you.
GET WELL SOON!
okay that was reely lame. the more important stuff: TODAY'S FAZLI'S BIRTHDAY! happy birthday faz! actually... it was yesterday cuz its like 2am already.i bet you enjoyed yesterday more than me! my butt aches from sitting at the comp for so long. haha i bet someone else enjoyed national day too... hmmm i wonder who that is! okay i wont put it up on the billboard here. happy anniversary to that someone. here's wishing you two lots more to come! *wink wink*
ian and i just passed our 11th month anniversary! WOOHOO! yah it was a pretty quiet one, but still as precious. happy anniversary ian. we dont have fireworks to celebrate... but i'll bring sparklers next time okay! i was just readin "Learning to Love" for the assignment. ever thought about what love is? it's so cliché... how each time you hold hands you get that clench in your stomach and that warmth on your shoulders that gives you goosebumps all over... but then you think about it and you realise you've been holding hands for almost a year. what's there to doubt, and what's there to hate anymore? what for hold on to skepticism to protect yourself and hurt the other? what about those who 'hope you wake up' or think 'you dont have enough love for a relationship'? what about them. i wish them well, and hope they get to see what i've seen, and love like i love, and be loved so wonderfully in return.
getting sappy, aren't i? i got it sorted out. i love my hubby (i dont call him that anyway *eeks*) i hope you find someone who loves you as much as he loves me :)
ian's gonna be performing at Zodiac! it's a metal gig thingy so all ye metallic people, you are invited! okay i'm so not sonorous or shiny but i'm going anyways cuz my baby's gonna be playing! yaye yaye. the things people do for love. haha! okay i so need sleep. go find some love yeah.
Tuesday, August 2
Burning on just like a match you strike to incinerate the lives of everyone...
Been a while hasnt it people? This blog's kinda bugged and has alot of errors and is laggy so like very lazy wanna update ah. Oh well, today i had an interesting experience that i thought i would never want to forget. today michy wasn't hungry so i decided since we had no where to go, i might as well go all the way to aljunied to send my baby home.
along the way we got really hungry and decided to stop by the carrot cake stall at circuit road that we frequent, though it was a "dangerous" area and later on we sat a lil while at the park bench before we went home and saw lionel. oh well, michy wasn't lying about him that's all i can say. haha~
okay here's the main part of my day. i was damn tired when i reached ang mo kio that day on the way back after the tiring 135 journey, and i wanted to piss, dammit but the toilet was washing when i wanted to enter. I was escorted by this cleaner who could barely speak english and merely said ,"10:35". i guessed it meant that i had to come back at that time to take a leak. well i decided to hold it in and wait till admiralty. in my mind i just imagined my legs giving way and my bladder bursting as it hits the floor. i had to get a seat.
My hopes were crushed when the first cabin of the train whizzed past showing the sheer multitudes of people that were sardined in them. ayang was right about complaining to smrt. These thoughts were turned around when i saw the cabin that i was standing at, arriving completely vacant. Nearly at least, with corner seats and standing room. The doors closed and i was on my way home.
AND THEN I SAW IT. I was the only one standing/seating within an area of about 1.5m by 1.5m. The two "couple" seats in the corner was only occupied by this indian muslim-ish man who many would deem as "terrorist". And there on the floor in front of me was a black opaque garbage bag. All alone. On its own. The contents on the inside of the bag as i can see based on the shape of the exterior of the bag were several cylinders.
I started to look around me. The couple seats were only seated by this holy man. The corner seats behind the glasses that i was leaning on this, and the one opposite, were vacant. There was no one standing in that area. And in the connecting cabin section, people were pushing away trying to squeeze into that area. My mind thought of only one thing. "BOMB".
Then it hit me. I wasnt ready to die. Not like this. In my mind, i thought of these few people. And if i thought of it before i died, it must mean something...don't you think? Here are things i need to say, to many people, I'm going to address to a few so if you think something applies to you, it probably is meant for you.
Dear loving friends:
Friend #1. I don't hate you. But i don't like you either.
Friend #2. I want to play well, but we'll never succeed if you'll never try. I believe in this as much as you.
Friend #3. Be strong. In yourself, not to other people. Not everyone is your competition. Life is tough when people don't like you, but its tougher when you don't like people.
Friend #4. I've moved on. Stop all this gangsterism nonsense, you were once one of my closest friends, though we had lots of bad memories.
Friend #5. We have our own lives, i have mine you have yours. But at the end of the day, i'm still here if EVER you need me. And i miss you.
Friend #6. Try to get out of this before its too late. Its fun now, of course you're in control. But how long are you going to live this life?
Friend #7. Smoking isn't cool. I'm sorry. I'm ashamed of it myself, but i have no right to say.
Friend #8. I thought you've changed. Guess some things will never.
Friend #9. Your heart is strong. Always be strong in life when challenges arrive. You've already faced mountains of trouble, i'm sure you can hold on. Eventually i'm sure you'll be the one to pull your family out of this. You're a nice pal.
Friend #10. Nice guy. No hard feelings. But i still think you shouldn't have put it face up. Blood.
Family #1. Don't be fooled by boys. They're out to break your heart. Bathe more often and clean up your room. Change your attitude; try to be kinder and giving to people.
Family #2. They used to love you. Now you're wearing my shoes. Hold on, i know what its like. Be strong, and try to be less calculative and rude. And less stingy and spiteful too.
Family #3. I love you. Thank you for doing so much for the family. Your mistake is that you loved him. I am not your enemy. I am your son, and i will always stand by your side.
Family #4. You have caused my misery my whole life. As weird as this may sound, but i don't hold it against you. You'll get your just desserts i'm sure. I can't bring myself to love you, but i can never fully hate you coz your mom's husband. I hope you remember what i said that day; My real father died two years ago. That's my secret to happiness, everyday.
Bini^Aku. You're all i think about everyday. Don't worry about anything. I don't ever want to lose you. You're irreplaceable. Every day, i've been falling more and more in love with you. It still feels like how it was 11 mths ago, and i hope i always have this chance to love you. And if ever i'm not here, we both know that I love you, always wherever i go. Though i joke about you too much. Hah. i'll still want you, no matter what i say.
Okay. So that's all. The rest of the story is just me breaking out into cold sweat and jumping at every single sound that everything makes, bla bla bla. Oh well, i didn't die. Even if that was a bomb, it didn't explode when i got down at admiralty. That was just a glimpse into my mind when i thought i was going to die.
What would you think about when your life flashes before you?
I love my ayang.
along the way we got really hungry and decided to stop by the carrot cake stall at circuit road that we frequent, though it was a "dangerous" area and later on we sat a lil while at the park bench before we went home and saw lionel. oh well, michy wasn't lying about him that's all i can say. haha~
okay here's the main part of my day. i was damn tired when i reached ang mo kio that day on the way back after the tiring 135 journey, and i wanted to piss, dammit but the toilet was washing when i wanted to enter. I was escorted by this cleaner who could barely speak english and merely said ,"10:35". i guessed it meant that i had to come back at that time to take a leak. well i decided to hold it in and wait till admiralty. in my mind i just imagined my legs giving way and my bladder bursting as it hits the floor. i had to get a seat.
My hopes were crushed when the first cabin of the train whizzed past showing the sheer multitudes of people that were sardined in them. ayang was right about complaining to smrt. These thoughts were turned around when i saw the cabin that i was standing at, arriving completely vacant. Nearly at least, with corner seats and standing room. The doors closed and i was on my way home.
AND THEN I SAW IT. I was the only one standing/seating within an area of about 1.5m by 1.5m. The two "couple" seats in the corner was only occupied by this indian muslim-ish man who many would deem as "terrorist". And there on the floor in front of me was a black opaque garbage bag. All alone. On its own. The contents on the inside of the bag as i can see based on the shape of the exterior of the bag were several cylinders.
I started to look around me. The couple seats were only seated by this holy man. The corner seats behind the glasses that i was leaning on this, and the one opposite, were vacant. There was no one standing in that area. And in the connecting cabin section, people were pushing away trying to squeeze into that area. My mind thought of only one thing. "BOMB".
Then it hit me. I wasnt ready to die. Not like this. In my mind, i thought of these few people. And if i thought of it before i died, it must mean something...don't you think? Here are things i need to say, to many people, I'm going to address to a few so if you think something applies to you, it probably is meant for you.
Dear loving friends:
Friend #1. I don't hate you. But i don't like you either.
Friend #2. I want to play well, but we'll never succeed if you'll never try. I believe in this as much as you.
Friend #3. Be strong. In yourself, not to other people. Not everyone is your competition. Life is tough when people don't like you, but its tougher when you don't like people.
Friend #4. I've moved on. Stop all this gangsterism nonsense, you were once one of my closest friends, though we had lots of bad memories.
Friend #5. We have our own lives, i have mine you have yours. But at the end of the day, i'm still here if EVER you need me. And i miss you.
Friend #6. Try to get out of this before its too late. Its fun now, of course you're in control. But how long are you going to live this life?
Friend #7. Smoking isn't cool. I'm sorry. I'm ashamed of it myself, but i have no right to say.
Friend #8. I thought you've changed. Guess some things will never.
Friend #9. Your heart is strong. Always be strong in life when challenges arrive. You've already faced mountains of trouble, i'm sure you can hold on. Eventually i'm sure you'll be the one to pull your family out of this. You're a nice pal.
Friend #10. Nice guy. No hard feelings. But i still think you shouldn't have put it face up. Blood.
Family #1. Don't be fooled by boys. They're out to break your heart. Bathe more often and clean up your room. Change your attitude; try to be kinder and giving to people.
Family #2. They used to love you. Now you're wearing my shoes. Hold on, i know what its like. Be strong, and try to be less calculative and rude. And less stingy and spiteful too.
Family #3. I love you. Thank you for doing so much for the family. Your mistake is that you loved him. I am not your enemy. I am your son, and i will always stand by your side.
Family #4. You have caused my misery my whole life. As weird as this may sound, but i don't hold it against you. You'll get your just desserts i'm sure. I can't bring myself to love you, but i can never fully hate you coz your mom's husband. I hope you remember what i said that day; My real father died two years ago. That's my secret to happiness, everyday.
Bini^Aku. You're all i think about everyday. Don't worry about anything. I don't ever want to lose you. You're irreplaceable. Every day, i've been falling more and more in love with you. It still feels like how it was 11 mths ago, and i hope i always have this chance to love you. And if ever i'm not here, we both know that I love you, always wherever i go. Though i joke about you too much. Hah. i'll still want you, no matter what i say.
Okay. So that's all. The rest of the story is just me breaking out into cold sweat and jumping at every single sound that everything makes, bla bla bla. Oh well, i didn't die. Even if that was a bomb, it didn't explode when i got down at admiralty. That was just a glimpse into my mind when i thought i was going to die.
What would you think about when your life flashes before you?
I love my ayang.
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