Tell All My Friends That I'm Dead...

hey there. i just watched brotherhood just now, courtesy of junxian. thanks man. its a nice show. it just opens your eyes to the fragility of life and love, and how in a split second, everything before you could change and turn upside down. what's the use of conflicts? conflicts among nations, governments, friends, family and even your loved ones? you may think that you can't live with them, but can you really tell yourself you'll be able to live without them. i just pondered about that for quite awhile.

sometimes, i just feel that i can't stand her. like i'm so angry with her coz she's petty or i'm selfish or something...but those times, i know that i love her so much, and i cant bring myself to just ignore her. most times, when i'm angry with her, i just love her and i don't want to make myself give up on her. that's one thing i have been neglecting.

i believe that communication is very important. i still love her as much as the first day i wanted her to be with me. i would admit that we talk 99% of "everyday" except the occasional me being sick or her being tired or asleep by the time i reach home; but i saddens me that sometimes when we talk on the phone, we hold conversations but we don't communicate. don't get me wrong, we don't quarrel. in fact we're stronger than ever before. i just feel that now, we both should know that no matter what, we have to learn to communicate with each other coz we're on different wavelengths. we have different characteristics. and i love her coz she's different.

i told her that day that every girl is the same. and NO girl you find on the street will tell you, i am truly equal to any girl whom you find on the street. i am your jane doe. unless she gave up on herself or has stepped on a landmine before that is. aniwae, all in all michelle fun is different. not because she says she's different, not because people label her as different, but because to me, she's special. she's one of a kind. she's my angel. and i love her so much.

let's start anew. don't give up on me again, and i promise i won't give up on you. for sure.

oh my grandma saw you on my handphone and she said that my gf was cute. hah, don't say i didn't boost your ego. i love you baby.

happy 10th month baby.

from michy.

a sudden rush of love.

we havent been talking much on the phone. we've got our schedules, and our obligations. we've been arguing alot. we spend time together, but we feel so distanced from each other. we're either too tired, too sleepy or too busy. we speak less with each other, and we're getting accustomed to not speaking our mind. we've gotten lazy to understand and tired to explain. we try to spite each other instead, to get our point across. we're getting paranoid and losing trust in one another. so many things have happened, or not.

thank you for staying up to talk to me last night. you're gonna be so exhausted today. thank you for having to rush off to ngaji on thursdays and fridays just to spend a little time with me after school. thank you for understanding when i set aside time for family activites. thank you for sacrificing time with family, friends or PS2, for those few more hours with me. thank you for entertaining my worry and taking care yourself so you dont fall sick so easily. thank you for giving me your attention when i need it. thank you for staying back and waiting for my lessons to end every day. thank you for trying so hard to understand so that you can stand by me and support me. thank you for bothering to make me understand even when i dont want to. thank you for believing in me through times when believing got so hard. thank you for sticking up for me and protecting me when i freeze up or soften down to situations. thank you for always being there for me. thank you ian. thank you for loving me.