swittersweet
of course i'll always remember us. well
heartbreak isnt always a bad thing. i cant
wait to wish you for a better day, a better life
and us, as better friends. my promise
a less painful memory, a friend. when
you have no one else, as you have been. for
me.
i love you but stop asking me kiss you.
fun :)
Sunday, February 24
The biggest leap on the trapeze.
Everyone deserves the right to be happy. And I'm sorry, you should be meeting good men, not those that are drunk and try to lay you, or those involved in crime and such, just so you know how miserable your life actually is and how better it was with me.
We've been very selfish to think that, and it almost always adds up to you and your stupid childish addictions to drinking, clubbing, smoking, etc. and in the end you finding that you've just been supressing the pain and burying underneath all the fun. The truth is, you shouldn't take all the blame, we decided together remember?
You should meet, good men. One that i would be proud of seeing you with, one that i wouldn't laugh when i compare myself with them coz, oh i can do so much better. hmmph. And I, should meet women deserving of my undying fervour for love. We were meant to be happier.
But one day, we shall wake up from our dream, that began oh so beautifully and ended so tragically, to find that we were best friends all along. And I think I wanna be an insomniac, if there is such a word.
If I want everyone around me to be safe and happy, then you should know, all the more I would want these things, just for you, my best friend.
May my death breathe new life for you.
We've been very selfish to think that, and it almost always adds up to you and your stupid childish addictions to drinking, clubbing, smoking, etc. and in the end you finding that you've just been supressing the pain and burying underneath all the fun. The truth is, you shouldn't take all the blame, we decided together remember?
You should meet, good men. One that i would be proud of seeing you with, one that i wouldn't laugh when i compare myself with them coz, oh i can do so much better. hmmph. And I, should meet women deserving of my undying fervour for love. We were meant to be happier.
But one day, we shall wake up from our dream, that began oh so beautifully and ended so tragically, to find that we were best friends all along. And I think I wanna be an insomniac, if there is such a word.
If I want everyone around me to be safe and happy, then you should know, all the more I would want these things, just for you, my best friend.
May my death breathe new life for you.
Saturday, February 23
Won't you save me?
My heart, it weeps for you.
Can you hear it?
I wanna be honest and true.
I want to, just like how I've always been giving.
The earth I live in, it separates the dead from the living.
Yayan is dying. Are you crying?
I wanna be true, if I'm to start again, with someone new.
So should you.
Can you hear it?
I wanna be honest and true.
I want to, just like how I've always been giving.
The earth I live in, it separates the dead from the living.
Yayan is dying. Are you crying?
I wanna be true, if I'm to start again, with someone new.
So should you.
Saturday, February 16
Shaken, not stirred.
Like i said, my heart seems shaken.
Don't get me wrong, i'm not competing with you over who has more dates or who has something more real, its just that for me its been a long while since i was able to shift my attention off you. And amazingly, it seems that the pain that i've been feeling for so long, is kinda cushioned like a plaster on a gushing wound, which doesnt really help. Guess jealousy will fade soon enough, and then it's no fun to make me jealous, right?
But before i spiral-dive out of control, i'm gonna take a step back and analyze the situation. Playing it slow, really slow actually. Besides i've been rather busy these weekends, can hardly find the time to breathe, what more meet people. So yeah that also quite contributes to helping me have some more room to breathe and think.
I know its wrong to be using someone for the sole reason for moving on, that's why I keep hitting myself whenever I think I am doing that(which i really think I don't, really). Others around might think that though, which is sad. Guess xiu was right, I cant replace someone in my life by another, what more with SEVERAL. HAHA well i havent been dating ANYONE really, what more multiple.
Its true, what I've never told you is that I AM angry that you've changed so much since we broke up, and I haven't. Sure i'm no longer metal-metal, coz i'm police-police, and that's what hurts the most i guess. You're an alcoholic, which somehow validates some of your social behaviour around people. I guess drinks give you something to blame and excuse some of the subconcious happenings that would normally be a social stigma. Maybe that's why people turn to alcohol, to have a reason that is acceptable to do the things that you never could be able to without it, or to be able to physically do those things and claim that you're not responsible. Sure, blame the alcohol, not the drinker. People will believe you, it's true. But, again do what you want.
One thing for sure is that, i've not been putting you in that bounding box of "my fantasies" and i think you've been happy being yourself. =) I am happy for you, misha. How does it feel? Free, huh. Ahhh, i bet you love the fresh free air in the morning.
Today's panther's wedding, CONGRATULATIONS SIR! Even though you always bully me with your 15kg rice bag runs, torturous 20 pullups, infinite jumping jacks, and to-your-right-palms-downS, i'm actually quite happy for you. I've never been to an Indian wedding, so later's gonna be a first.
Infatuation can complicate situations, guess all I need is time to discover. Hope I didn't come across as being desperate though, because I'm just biding my time. But inside my heart, I know I am confused, and that is a fact. Luckily/Unluckily, i've been very busy these weeks, which kinda gives me a reason to take my time. Well i'm not really looking for a relationship, but opening my eyes to the real world that everyone tells me: there-are-many-fishes-in-the-sea-kinda world, would do me good i guess. Maybe it'd prove my theory of love and why we broke up as WRONG.
Haha i think the reason i'm blogging this is just because well, its been rather awhile since i had my heart shaken. Guess that's what happens after three years of loving someone too much. Or maybe i'm not such a pro at sweet-talking, like i thought i was.
Control, subject seems to be still carefully well hidden in a clam-shell of hurt and emotion from past relationship. However subject appears to be responsive, once in a while. Till then mission progress would have to be rather slow, which is advantageous to our position, and we can acquire more data on the above subject. Avoiding stealth pursuit, as subject still seems rather hostile towards other Romeo units as seen on blog sites. However, still no true leads on what subject's REAL assessment on Romeo1 is, but past intelligence reveal that Romeo1 is a good sms buddy, of sorts. Romeo1's emotional equipment also still seems broken from pass missions with Project M, requesting time to heal before pursuing mission fully. Romeo1 also has yet to analyze Project M's success rate, should we choose to resume on it. Requesting time to heal emotional equipment, over.
Don't get me wrong, i'm not competing with you over who has more dates or who has something more real, its just that for me its been a long while since i was able to shift my attention off you. And amazingly, it seems that the pain that i've been feeling for so long, is kinda cushioned like a plaster on a gushing wound, which doesnt really help. Guess jealousy will fade soon enough, and then it's no fun to make me jealous, right?
But before i spiral-dive out of control, i'm gonna take a step back and analyze the situation. Playing it slow, really slow actually. Besides i've been rather busy these weekends, can hardly find the time to breathe, what more meet people. So yeah that also quite contributes to helping me have some more room to breathe and think.
I know its wrong to be using someone for the sole reason for moving on, that's why I keep hitting myself whenever I think I am doing that(which i really think I don't, really). Others around might think that though, which is sad. Guess xiu was right, I cant replace someone in my life by another, what more with SEVERAL. HAHA well i havent been dating ANYONE really, what more multiple.
Its true, what I've never told you is that I AM angry that you've changed so much since we broke up, and I haven't. Sure i'm no longer metal-metal, coz i'm police-police, and that's what hurts the most i guess. You're an alcoholic, which somehow validates some of your social behaviour around people. I guess drinks give you something to blame and excuse some of the subconcious happenings that would normally be a social stigma. Maybe that's why people turn to alcohol, to have a reason that is acceptable to do the things that you never could be able to without it, or to be able to physically do those things and claim that you're not responsible. Sure, blame the alcohol, not the drinker. People will believe you, it's true. But, again do what you want.
One thing for sure is that, i've not been putting you in that bounding box of "my fantasies" and i think you've been happy being yourself. =) I am happy for you, misha. How does it feel? Free, huh. Ahhh, i bet you love the fresh free air in the morning.
Today's panther's wedding, CONGRATULATIONS SIR! Even though you always bully me with your 15kg rice bag runs, torturous 20 pullups, infinite jumping jacks, and to-your-right-palms-downS, i'm actually quite happy for you. I've never been to an Indian wedding, so later's gonna be a first.
Infatuation can complicate situations, guess all I need is time to discover. Hope I didn't come across as being desperate though, because I'm just biding my time. But inside my heart, I know I am confused, and that is a fact. Luckily/Unluckily, i've been very busy these weeks, which kinda gives me a reason to take my time. Well i'm not really looking for a relationship, but opening my eyes to the real world that everyone tells me: there-are-many-fishes-in-the-sea-kinda world, would do me good i guess. Maybe it'd prove my theory of love and why we broke up as WRONG.
Haha i think the reason i'm blogging this is just because well, its been rather awhile since i had my heart shaken. Guess that's what happens after three years of loving someone too much. Or maybe i'm not such a pro at sweet-talking, like i thought i was.
Control, subject seems to be still carefully well hidden in a clam-shell of hurt and emotion from past relationship. However subject appears to be responsive, once in a while. Till then mission progress would have to be rather slow, which is advantageous to our position, and we can acquire more data on the above subject. Avoiding stealth pursuit, as subject still seems rather hostile towards other Romeo units as seen on blog sites. However, still no true leads on what subject's REAL assessment on Romeo1 is, but past intelligence reveal that Romeo1 is a good sms buddy, of sorts. Romeo1's emotional equipment also still seems broken from pass missions with Project M, requesting time to heal before pursuing mission fully. Romeo1 also has yet to analyze Project M's success rate, should we choose to resume on it. Requesting time to heal emotional equipment, over.
Saturday, February 9
What you do to me.
4 more weeks. 25 more working days. 4 more weekends.
Dream the same thing every night,
I see a freedom in my sight,
No locked doors no windows barred,
No place to make my brain seemed scarred.
Oh i would gladly be a mole, just to show you how different I am.
And i would gladly be an investigator, to unravel the mysteries of the truths in your mind.
But i am just a heartlander, and to you, i would gladly lend my heart.
Dream the same thing every night,
I see a freedom in my sight,
No locked doors no windows barred,
No place to make my brain seemed scarred.
Oh i would gladly be a mole, just to show you how different I am.
And i would gladly be an investigator, to unravel the mysteries of the truths in your mind.
But i am just a heartlander, and to you, i would gladly lend my heart.
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