There's No Saying No.

AMACIAMMM BEBEHHHH...wellll alot of people have been asking me reasons as to why I joined as a regular in SPF. Its true, a skinny tall mat like me would seem VERY out of place in the respectable blue uniform any day, people tend to think im better off as a metal mat, a nerd emo shit, or that nice guy whom you can step over and make fun of coz HEY he'll just smile and heck even laugh at himself. haha!

Well the real reason is that, see through my teenage years I have been living for myself, doing whatever I wanted to do, and most of the time I've been stuck trying to impress people around me, its almost like I can't seem to find whatever it is I'm REALLY GOOD at. I'm always neither here nor there(at all) coz i just keep trying to find whatever it is I can say, yeah...I'm good at that. But so far, the best single thing I think im quite good at over the years is I think is my ability to play metal drums, but well i'm VERY RUSTY.

It sort of built up over the years, and there had been many times people always ask me,''hey do u do ...(insert hobby/interest here)?" and I'll be like, "Errr, not really." Its these moments that I feel GODDAMMIT, im so goddamn useless. Especially in the sporty physical-boyish-games department.

Add that to my teenage years where there had been an unimaginable number of times that I have let my parents down from my bad conduct, mis-behavior, or me just being a bad son and role model eldest brother. There'll always be that voice of my dad screaming,''YOU'RE USELESS." I know he probably didn't mean it, but it sticks and grows on you, you know?

Add that to my phobia of being unable to please people around me, and my constant heart murmur problem which just constantly reminds me how my clock is ticking, and voila', you'll have someone who's all lost and in search of a reason to live.

I did some soul searching back in the days, and I could only come up with one valid solution.

If I could really give back to the people around me whatever time I have, just so that I know that truly, IT IS ME who have sacrificed and put effort into making other people happy and living for other people other than myself, then isn't that the best reason for life that one could ever have? A dedication of your life for other people, ALA BUDDHA-STYLE.

Enter THE SINGAPORE POLICE FORCE. That's my reason for living. It gives me great pleasure to know that yes, indeed I have made a difference to some people in their lives, even for a simple smile or thank you. Yes, I have helped other people, and yes, there is reason for me to put in whatever limited strength, effort and hard work that I have and could give. I know whatever I can give is not much, heck a random 4 tear-ed 2 tiam-ed gangster could probably snap me in half, but I trust that I will give my best, as i have always done for everyone around me. My ABSOLUTE best, in whatever I do as a Police officer.

So insult me all you want, taunt me and whatever things I may be lacking of. I may be out of place, I may be moderate to useless in alot of different areas, but i give my best. And some day, just some day...

I may just be, the one who saves your life. The mat policeman.