Circumventing circumstances.

I realize that I've always been like that. When i have a problem, i drown myself in it, let it become my lifeblood and devote myself fully and totally, all my energy, thoughts and emotions into it, until I realize that I, am completely drained. I give in totally, my everything for a certain problem, I think about solving the problem, I don't think about myself, I'm not hungry, vulnerable or human...I become the problem itself. I find that I AM the problem. It's just me.

But when the problem comes smashing into my face, I wake up like a breath of fresh air, a sudden rush of wind, a big slap and I suddenly awake almost as if from a dream. It is then that I realize that may have over-estimated myself. I may have given in too much, put too much into it.

However, I am not the type to regret either. People can give whatever reasons they want to give to me, but I can believe whatever it is I want to believe. And I, am rarely wrong about my educated, investigated judgments of people.

I see right through you. I know what you say. I know your truths, your words. Its just that I accept. I accept your reasons, maybe because in your imaginary mind you may believe that I actually truly believe what you say.

Maybe because in your mind, I made you believe that I believe your words.

Everything you say or do can and will be used against you. Its just that I don't. Because I am nice, and I make believe that I believe you. Without question. I make believe to be a clueless, trusting, 10 year old boy.

So go ahead and walk all over me with your high heels or your high horses. In the end of the day, when I've become the problem itself, you know that I would have given it my best.