Hey there all my wonderful sweet sunshine bebehs!
I have been waiting to address this for very long, and it is long due for people who know about me and care about me, to know something more about me that i always try to hide. Some of you might already know, but i have concluded that for dunno what-the-fucking-reason-is i somehow decided to share this with everyone. This is gonna be a drag for those who hate long posts, but i hope everyone takes time to read about what's important to me, if you regard me as your friend.
My topic: I have heart disease.
Yes that's right. It may not sound serious to you, but it is serious to me. I have this heart condition called arrhythmia, or more specifically ventricular bigeminy entropy. What this is, is that a normal person's heart beats twice, with a (dud,dud) rite? Mine's a (dud-dud, dud). DUDE! hahah no seriously. only when i exercise does it stabilize into a normal heartbeat.
Why izit bad? Well, for one, ALL heart diseases are fatal, and unpredictable. And because of this, for the past few months, i have been deterred from my dream career in the Singapore Police Force for forever, waiting for them to evaluate my damn PES status from a D. Ignore the next paragraph, if you're clueless about this.
The doctor told me that i can make a PES B(normal people), but if somehow the MOs at CMPB give me a PES C(abit sick/injured ppl), im ineligible for SPF, and they'll have to drop me. The shit part is, i already cleared the intense rounds of assessments, and just awaiting CMPB for my pes status for the GO AHEAD to report to Tracom(training command) in April. So im praying hard.
OK back to the storyline. Well part of why i'm writing this is just so my friends, all of you would appreciate your life more. What if you're like me, and you find out that you might just die tmr, and there's nothing you can do about it? What about the people you're gonna leave behind? The things that you've said/have not said to them?
Another reason is this, SMOKING. I did extensive research on this, as any dying man would, and let me begin on this long entry.
How extrasystole came about in layman terms:
Okay I read, that how it happens in a person who is not born with heart disease, but instead developed it(in my case) is that there has to be a point in time where the person has really died. That means his/her heart has stopped beating completely, and blood has stopped circulating in the body. A few moments later, the brain realizes this, and starts up the heart again, but due to the lack of blood circulation, makes up for it with a third heartbeat. The brain then remembers this passively and causes it to repeat over and over again. (this is my own deduction from what i read)
Thinking of that i can vaguely remember many moments in life where I know my heart has stopped, feeling a massive amount of pain in my chest. But they are always accompanied by many things, like maybe a heartbreak, or after a beating, or intense smoking, or when i used to have asthma. So its kinda hard to say really when i got this, as they are always masked by all these events.
Causes of extrasystole in layman terms:
Extreme trauma (extreme sadness, anger. i'm a rather "feelings" person i think.)
Asthma medicine side effects (i had childhood asthma, and i took medicine. who would have known it'd give me heart problems. be careful when u puff that ventolin. luckily im cured of it)
Smoking (oh yes. i'm talking to all you smokers who i can't be bothered to advice anymore.)
Conclusion:
I hope that anyone who bothers to scroll down to read this just remember me and think "yeah i know a friend who has heart disease." Remember that smoking is wrong, look what it got me and my father. Remember to do things that you'll never regret.
Get off your butts and tell the people you love that you do love them.
Love and cherish your partner(if you have one) till the very last moments that you're together.
And don't ever be afraid to let go and say goodbye.
I love you, Michelle Fun.
