Been a while hasnt it people? This blog's kinda bugged and has alot of errors and is laggy so like very lazy wanna update ah. Oh well, today i had an interesting experience that i thought i would never want to forget. today michy wasn't hungry so i decided since we had no where to go, i might as well go all the way to aljunied to send my baby home.
along the way we got really hungry and decided to stop by the carrot cake stall at circuit road that we frequent, though it was a "dangerous" area and later on we sat a lil while at the park bench before we went home and saw lionel. oh well, michy wasn't lying about him that's all i can say. haha~
okay here's the main part of my day. i was damn tired when i reached ang mo kio that day on the way back after the tiring 135 journey, and i wanted to piss, dammit but the toilet was washing when i wanted to enter. I was escorted by this cleaner who could barely speak english and merely said ,"10:35". i guessed it meant that i had to come back at that time to take a leak. well i decided to hold it in and wait till admiralty. in my mind i just imagined my legs giving way and my bladder bursting as it hits the floor. i had to get a seat.
My hopes were crushed when the first cabin of the train whizzed past showing the sheer multitudes of people that were sardined in them. ayang was right about complaining to smrt. These thoughts were turned around when i saw the cabin that i was standing at, arriving completely vacant. Nearly at least, with corner seats and standing room. The doors closed and i was on my way home.
AND THEN I SAW IT. I was the only one standing/seating within an area of about 1.5m by 1.5m. The two "couple" seats in the corner was only occupied by this indian muslim-ish man who many would deem as "terrorist". And there on the floor in front of me was a black opaque garbage bag. All alone. On its own. The contents on the inside of the bag as i can see based on the shape of the exterior of the bag were several cylinders.
I started to look around me. The couple seats were only seated by this holy man. The corner seats behind the glasses that i was leaning on this, and the one opposite, were vacant. There was no one standing in that area. And in the connecting cabin section, people were pushing away trying to squeeze into that area. My mind thought of only one thing. "BOMB".
Then it hit me. I wasnt ready to die. Not like this. In my mind, i thought of these few people. And if i thought of it before i died, it must mean something...don't you think? Here are things i need to say, to many people, I'm going to address to a few so if you think something applies to you, it probably is meant for you.
Dear loving friends:
Friend #1. I don't hate you. But i don't like you either.
Friend #2. I want to play well, but we'll never succeed if you'll never try. I believe in this as much as you.
Friend #3. Be strong. In yourself, not to other people. Not everyone is your competition. Life is tough when people don't like you, but its tougher when you don't like people.
Friend #4. I've moved on. Stop all this gangsterism nonsense, you were once one of my closest friends, though we had lots of bad memories.
Friend #5. We have our own lives, i have mine you have yours. But at the end of the day, i'm still here if EVER you need me. And i miss you.
Friend #6. Try to get out of this before its too late. Its fun now, of course you're in control. But how long are you going to live this life?
Friend #7. Smoking isn't cool. I'm sorry. I'm ashamed of it myself, but i have no right to say.
Friend #8. I thought you've changed. Guess some things will never.
Friend #9. Your heart is strong. Always be strong in life when challenges arrive. You've already faced mountains of trouble, i'm sure you can hold on. Eventually i'm sure you'll be the one to pull your family out of this. You're a nice pal.
Friend #10. Nice guy. No hard feelings. But i still think you shouldn't have put it face up. Blood.
Family #1. Don't be fooled by boys. They're out to break your heart. Bathe more often and clean up your room. Change your attitude; try to be kinder and giving to people.
Family #2. They used to love you. Now you're wearing my shoes. Hold on, i know what its like. Be strong, and try to be less calculative and rude. And less stingy and spiteful too.
Family #3. I love you. Thank you for doing so much for the family. Your mistake is that you loved him. I am not your enemy. I am your son, and i will always stand by your side.
Family #4. You have caused my misery my whole life. As weird as this may sound, but i don't hold it against you. You'll get your just desserts i'm sure. I can't bring myself to love you, but i can never fully hate you coz your mom's husband. I hope you remember what i said that day; My real father died two years ago. That's my secret to happiness, everyday.
Bini^Aku. You're all i think about everyday. Don't worry about anything. I don't ever want to lose you. You're irreplaceable. Every day, i've been falling more and more in love with you. It still feels like how it was 11 mths ago, and i hope i always have this chance to love you. And if ever i'm not here, we both know that I love you, always wherever i go. Though i joke about you too much. Hah. i'll still want you, no matter what i say.
Okay. So that's all. The rest of the story is just me breaking out into cold sweat and jumping at every single sound that everything makes, bla bla bla. Oh well, i didn't die. Even if that was a bomb, it didn't explode when i got down at admiralty. That was just a glimpse into my mind when i thought i was going to die.
What would you think about when your life flashes before you?
I love my ayang.
